Angry Ward Wednesday: Dumb Yankees Fans, Hope In Knicksville and Trouble Brewing At The Hospital

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BRONX, NY – It’s getting towards evening here as I tap this out on Tuesday. I waited around most of the day hoping someone would do something in sports. Seattle, trade Russell Wilson! He doesn’t like getting hit. Pffft. Mets, go ahead and stupidly sign Justin Turner. Kyrie, dust off your “flat Earth” material, we all know you still believe it. Someone do something, dammit! Okay, this is the way it’s gonna be? Fine! I’ll make my own drama.

Buddy Diaz. Dumb Yankee Fan?

License to Dry Heave. I saw a license plate holder on the road the other day that made me want to puke. It was a New York Yankees frame that said “Savages in the Box.” It’s stupid stuff like this, which many Yankee fans find cool, that will continue to saddle the collective as a bunch of loudmouth, front-running oafs. I remember sitting in the right field bleachers years ago, in the real Yankee Stadium, and listening to morons tell Ken Griffey Junior how much he sucked. I finally engaged one simpleton and said “You really think he sucks? You know he’s way better than anyone on your team, right?” He sheepishly shrugged and continued pounding his Bud Light. That’s a perfect beer/fan marriage right there.

Knicks Playoff Bound. You’re not reading this wrong, New York Knickerbockers fans, your lousy basketball team will be playing in the post season THIS YEAR! I know you won’t let yourselves get too excited, and I’m sure you won’t start sporting Knicks plate frames saying “Savages in the Blocks,” but this team looks good enough to end up 7 or 8 in the East. I only hope COVID restrictions get eased enough so that long-dormant Knicks fans can once again return to MSG, cheer on their team, and resume yelling at James Dolan: “Sell the team, F**knuts!”

Shriner’s Rivalry? You ever see the commercials for the Shriner’s Hospital featuring Alec and Kaleb? They’re scripted as pals, but I’m sensing some tension there. Alec used to be the cute star of the spots but he’s kinda aged out of it. Kaleb is the new adorable kid on the block who is now center stage, while Alec has taken on more of a supporting role. The other day I caught a commercial where they were one-upping each other on how many surgeries they’ve had. That’s right out of Short Matt’s playbook. Look, believe me, I wish nothing but the best for these two, but can’t shake the feeling that there’s a showdown brewing. Stay tuned.

Quarterback Carousel Not Spinning. I’m kinda bummed that the NFL QB trade market hasn’t gone apesh!t. What’s everyone waiting for? Drew Brees, ya old bastard, announce your retirement already. Maybe that will get the dominoes falling. We all know I want Cousins out of Minny, but I also want the Bears to trade for Carson Wentz, just so I can watch Michael Wilbon’s head explode. The Jets need to move Darnold so he can become a megastar somewhere else. Someone also needs to steal Deshaun Watson from Houston. There are plenty of names being thrown around. Stop checking it down, General Managers, and start throwing some Hail Marys.

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We may never get to use this mock-up again…

That’s all I got today. Buddy Diaz is up tomorrow and will be ranking Tyler Perry’s Madea movies.

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About Angry Ward 585 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.