NEW YORK, NY – With MLB schedules getting slammed by Mother Nature, the NY Rangers getting blown out of Carolina by the Hurricanes and Nick Saban v Jimbo Fisher, there’s a lot going on. Let’s pare it down to: Max Scherzer Contracts Metsitis, Nick Saban v Jimbo Fisher, NY Rangers
Max Scherzer Contracts Metsitis
We all knew it was just a matter of time. Some thought that Mixed-Eyes Max would maybe give a solid 2 years of service. Others thought he might go a full year without missing time. But you, like me, knew better. You knew the Scherzer Experiment was going to go badly. Collectively, we knew the end was coming much sooner than later. It was just how it was going to happen. On the first day of Spring Training I told Rex O’Rourke that Jake deGrom and Max Scherzer would both be out by June. Indeed, Buffalo Joe and I have been texting since Spring Training how Scherzer’s season – and the Mets’ season – would end.
-Would it be a torn fingernail that threw off his motion, causing his ribs to disintegrate?
-Would his shoulder get yanked out of its socket while walking his squirrel-chasing St. Bernard?
-Would he slip while high-fiving and take a teammate’s thumb in the eye, scratching a retina?
-How about tearing a glute while getting stretching to get that flower pot on the highest kitchen cabinet?
You get the drift. It wasn’t if he’d get hurt, it was when. Metsitis in unavoidable. At least we don’t have to worry about Jake or Max tearing something in 26 degree weather in Denver. So there’s that.
Nick Saban v Jimbo Fisher
Full Disclosure: I really don’t follow college football. My plate was way too full with the Mets, Giants, Rangers and Knicks growing up and college football teams suck around here. Any other time was devoted to hating the Yankees… Every now and then, though, something tickles my fancy… (Oh, behave). In rugby, there is an expression, “handbags at dawn,” for when a Gretzky and a Crosby might start arguing. That’s what this whole Nick Saban vs Jumbo Fisher cat-fight is… except it’s not. These guys violated the unwritten laws of big-time college sports: you don’t admit that any of you are cheating! Crimson Tide coach Saban fired the first shot, saying A&M’s Fisher, “bought every player on their team.” This the pot calling the kettle black, on steroids… The fiery Fisher fired back, calling Naughty Nick’s comments “despicable.” But he didn’t leave it there. He called Nicky “a narcissist” and said he “thinks he’s God.” He also questioned Saban’s record and said somebody should have “slapped him upside the head as a child.” Phew! At least it’s still just a slap-fight… They’ve even implicated Deion Sanders in all this. If something doesn’t happen to these clowns, now that they’ve basically testified against each other, then we are all doomed. These coaches all think they are Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now.
You can’t win in Lord Stanley’s post-season tourney when you score but once in two matches. Well, you can win once, technically speaking, but you understand the point. The Hurricanes are just good, folks. And how sh!tty must it be for Canadian fans seeing teams in warm weather cities win Cups? It ain’t right.
Comment below and come back tomorrow for Aristotle “Mugsy” Sakellaridis.
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