FOXBORO, MA – Wow. What a game. Just when it seemed like the New York Football Giants were about incur a heartbreaking loss after a promising 56 minutes of footy, Coach Bill & the New England Patriots of Foxboro Outside Boston, came back to stun Big Blue Nation (that’s for Angry Ward) aided by the blind luck of a QB that under-threw EVERY PASS, the Big Blue Wrecking Machine drove down field to score. And just like that the NY Giants Stun Bill Belichick and Patriots! Amazin’!!!
Okay, relax. Save your trashing of moi on Reddit from your Mom’s basement. Yes, while “you’re not wrong” in claiming today’s headline represents something that was absolutely meaningless, one could argue that it’s not. One could argue that there were meaningful things that took place in last night’s NFL preseason match-up of teams that have an epic Super Bowl history vs each other. One could… but I won’t. Instead, let’s look at what or who we learned something about. P.s… “You’re not wrong” is one of the douchiest comments out there.
Maybe bald, fat and jolly can work as a NFL Head Coach after all! Wait! You’re also tossing in Canadian?! Whoa. Those four elements, when combined, are more lethal than John Wick. Yet… aside from learning the Jints have a Canuck at the helm, your truly learned that Joe Judge was no longer the coach! Too many beers and too many concussions, folks. Further, we all learned that Davis Webb (who was named by the same douche-consortium that named Dansby Swanson) is so sh1tty at QB that he was offered a job as a coach by the Bills. He’s only 27! Hey Davis, if a pro football team is offering you a coaching job before your 28th birthday – and you’re fully healthy – accept the charity! Oh, and update your twitter profile. Right now it still has you in Buffalo.
CARL BANKS IS GRUMPY
The only reason I was watching this gluttonous money-grab from the NFL that only serves to see some key players getting hurt unnecessarily while season ticket holders are held over a barrel, is because the Mets weren’t playing. Well, that’s not the only reason. The wife wasn’t home, so the need to negotiate what was on the telly wasn’t needed. Since I was up to speed on Alone and Judge Judy, this slop is what fell on the proverbial plate. Was I happy about watching this? No. But I wasn’t alone. Carl Banks, the legendary linebacker for (Bills) Parcells and Belichick when both worked for the NYG, wasn’t happy either. Problem is, he was the color guy – hired to sell us the poop being plopped on our plates. And while his grumpiness was refreshing at first, it got old pretty quickly. Don’t get me wrong – I love Banks and think he does a great job during the regular season. His preseason commentary, however, is Reason #58 why we shouldn’t subject anyone to a preseason game in the single digit days of August… Back to color guys: Have you noticed that Tony Romo is wearing a bad hairpiece? He is. You’ll never look at/listen to him in the same way again.
There. We’ve learned some things here today. You’re welcome.
SERIOUS NOTE: I think Big Blue will pleasantly surprise the Giants faithful. Look for a competitive team.
Please feel free to comment on anything sports-related below and come back tomorrow for Hubit Chakokoff, our Moscow correspondent.