Big Ben Tuesday: Five Colossally Stupid NFL Blunders with Famously Stupid Movie Characters from Patriots, Jets, Colts

Jakobi Myers and what coulda been for Trevor Lawrence.

IDIOTSVILLE, USA – Boy did we see some stupidity in the NFL this weekend. Several decisions were just unfathomably, incomprehensibly stupid. I’m here to give you my Top Five, with the help of some Famously dumb movie characters. We’re talking about an epic Colts collapse, a mind-blowing blunder by the Pats, and a massive what-could-have-been for the Jets, among other displays of dimness. Let’s go.

“The fundamental cause of the trouble is that in the modern world the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt.”Bertrand Russell

Top Five Cocksure Idiots Doing Dumb Things

5) Alan Garner (The Hangover), Refs in the Giants/Commander Game

I’m glad the Giants won, but how in the name of Derek Zoolander do you call that ticky-tack illegal formation penalty on the Commanders with the game on the line? Terry McLaurin was maybe a few inches back from the line of scrimmage. But he even checked with the ref twice to make sure he was good. It was more than obvious that he is an eligible receiver, there was no attempt at trickery here.

The ref had his hand in his pocket like he was dying to throw the flag. I guess he bet the under.

“Plus, it’s not a man purse. It’s called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one.”Alan Garner

Let the players decide the game. That was just an absolutely brutal call. And I won’t even mention the non-call on Darnay Holmes’ mugging of Samuel on the fourth down play.

4) Nigel Tufnell (This is Spinal Tap), Mike McCarthy

Trevor Lawrence (more on him later) fumbled the ball with 1:28 left. Dallas was in great shape to lock down their 11th win. Jacksonville did have all three timeouts, so the Cowboys needed one first down to clinch it. After two running plays that produced zero yards, Dallas faced a third and 10. Jax had one timeout left. I can understand Dallas throwing here, but it should have been a high percentage play. A bubble screen, quick catch and run type play. Then if they didn’t get the first down, at least the Jags would have to use their last timeout. Even a sack is better than an incomplete pass there. 

So what does Dallas do? How about a low percentage bomb to their third best receiver.

“And it’s like, how much more black could it be? And the answer is none. None more black.” – Nigel Tufnell

The pass never had a chance and the incompletion allowed the Jags to save their last time out.  That turned out to be huge. Evan Engram made a heroic effort to get to the sideline to further preserve the time out. (Btw, “heroic effort” was never used to describe anything he did on the Giants). With the time out in his pocket, Lawrence was able to complete a pass in the middle of the field, and they kicked the tying FG to send the game to OT. The Cowboys lost on a pick six. 

Well done, Mike McCarthy. I wouldn’t be surprised if Jerry Jones checked in with Sean Payton on Monday. 

3) Frank Drebin (The Naked Gun), Jeff Saturday

What do you think Saturday said at halftime, up 33-0? “Okay guys, great win. Let’s shut it down and get ready to celebrate. This one is over. We’re going to the club tonight. Wooo hooooo!”

The Vikings came back from 33 points down despite having two fumble return TDs called back (one being particularly egregious) as well as overcoming a late interception thrown by Kirk Cousins, when the perpetually disappointing Jalen Reagor just decided to stop running. I think the Vikings could have scored one more touchdown in this one if they needed to.

“It’s like eating a spoonful of Drano; sure, it’ll clean you out, but it’ll leave you hollow inside.” – Frank Drebin

Just an unbelievably bad second half by the Colts. Jeff, you might want to get in touch with that high school team you were coaching and see if your old job is still available. The NFL might not be your thing. 

I know what you’re thinking: How could there be two things dumber than Jeff Saturday?

2) Navin Johnson (The Jerk), Jakobi Meyers

Meyers’ reckless fling to Mac Jones had to be the dumbest play I’ve ever seen on a football field. I can’t even think of something close. It was all risk and no reward. What the hell was Mac Jones gonna do with that ball by himself back there even if it got to him? It’s not the no tackle Pro Bowl. And speaking of Mac, he’s got to make a better effort at a tackle there. The playoffs are on the line, guy. I’ve been better tackles in a soccer game. 

Jakobi’s explanation was: “I didn’t see Chandler Jones there.”

“You mean I’m gonna stay this color?” – Navin Johnson

It doesn’t matter if there was no one near Mac. The only reasonable explanation would have been that he thought they were losing the game.

Oof, that was a bad one. What could be dumber than that?

1) Lloyd Christmas (Dumb and Dumber), 2020 New York Jets

It was December 20th, 2020. The 0-13 Jets were on the west coast to play the 9-4 Rams. Generational talent QB Trevor Lawrence was a lock to be the first pick in the draft. All the Jets had to do was lose their last three games and they would be set up with their QB for the next decade.

Instead, they blocked a punt, had an interception, and sacked Jarred Goff three times. Sam Darnold was efficient and the Jets held on for a three point win. 

I realize Adam Gase was on his way out at the time and he had no incentive to care about the Jets’ future. But still, if I’m Woody Johnson, I make a call there. Yeah, Adam. I’d really like to see what we have in third string QB James Morgan. Get him in there. 

Instead, the Jets won the game and again the next week against the Browns. They settled for the second pick and took Zach Wilson. You’re out of the porterhouse? That’s fine, I’ll have the tofu kabobs. 

Austria! Well, then. G’day mate! Let’s put another shrimp on the barbie! – Lloyd Christmas

No one likes tanking but you’ve got to get Trevor there. After a red shirt year with Urban Meyer, Lawrence is on fire and looking like the stud we expected him to be. Imagine him with his flowing locks in New York, throwing it to Garret Wilson. Imagine how bright the Jets’ future would look right now, with all the talent they’ve been stockpiling.

It hurts just to think about it. It’s like George Bernard Shaw once said;

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups [on a football field].

Or something like that. Come back tomorrow for Angry Ward, who is much smarter than some of the above movie characters. Please comment below and follow us on Twitter at @benwhit8 & @MeetTheMatts and like our Facebook page, Meet The Matts.

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About Ben Whitney 402 Articles
Ben Whitney comes from journalistic stock. Aside from his brothers, rumor has that his great-great grandfather was the youngest brother of Eli Whitney and covered the earliest "rounders" games. Big Ben is also another New York Rugby Club player/pal of Different Matt, Short Matt and Junoir Blaber. He likes film noir discussions, has twin girls and took up ice hockey after retiring from rugby.