NEW YORK, NY – What a day yesterday was! Trevor Lawrence showed us he’s a stud in a loss, Pat Mahomes showed us he’s the best, even on on leg, and Philly pooped out the Giants. Then there’s this Ohtani thing. With that, here are today’s topics: Ohtani to New York, Giants Are Bird Poop vs Cheatin’ Iggles, Mahomes Ankle Means Bills Win…
Shohei Ohtani to New York
One could construe this headline purely as click-bait to get you here, but our source tells us that this is indeed true. He adds that it’s down to the Mets and Yankees and that an announcement will come Wednesday. Who’s our source? Why it’s none other than former Queen of England and Stanley Cup-winning goalie (Flames), George Santos.
Giants Are Bird Poop vs Cheatin’ Iggle
We knew that the Philthydelphia Iggles were [allegedly] cheating – click this to see more. What we didn’t know is that the referees would be in their nests, too. What are we basing this prevarication-fueled statement? Unsubstantiated rumour! (Canadian spelling to piss off Angry Ward). The feeling in NYC, however, is that the Iggles had to have been cheating. Either that or they are just really good. Moreover, their QB Jalen Hurts would therefore need to be considered with the elite signal-callers in the NFL. These things can’t be true. Can they?
Mahomes Ankle Means Bills Win
Pat Mahomes is a once-in-lifetime talent. He can win pretty much any game, regardless of the venue and/or stakes. But even Super Man has his Kryptonite. What’s the chink in Pat Junior’s armor (American spelling to piss off Angry Ward)? He now has a severely sprained right ankle. He’s now like Batman, sans his Bat Utility Belt. A hobbled Mahomes means the Buffalo Bills can now win the Super Bowl… IF Mahomes doesn’t have some miraculous recovery. This is also predicated on Buffalo besting the Bengals, in what should be an epic battle. Finally, it absolutely SUCKS that a potential Chiefs/Bills AFC Championship will be in ATLANTA?! What the fack?! Put them in a cold weather stadium in their neck of the woods. How about Cleveland?! If you’re worried about weather, have it in Detroit. Atlanta is just a buzz-kill and may be a precursor to the league having championship games at neutral sites. Pathetic.
That’s it for me. Leave your two cents below and come back tomorrow for Bills-hater Junoir Blaber.