NEW YORK, NY – Today’s column comin’ atcha just steps from Rockefeller Center in midtown Manhattan, where it looks like Santa and his elves went on a bender—a BIG one. I don’t know about you but, after a fairly rough year, I’m leaning heavily into the holidays this December. I’m feeling almost benevolent… almost. Maybe I can even get through today’s column without trashing anyone. Let’s see.
The Soto Sweepstakes. Juan Soto is a helluva good baseball player and he’s only 26 and he’s about to get paid an aircraft-carrier-load of money in free agency. You see non-story stories posted almost daily about what teams it’s narrowed down to and who has the upper hand and who’s going to come in with the highest bid and who’s going to top that bid no matter what, and it’s all pretty much useless fodder. He seems like an ok enough guy, so I hope he gets what he wants and goes where he wants. Those two things don’t always sync up, especially with Boras as your agent, but so be it. All that said, I kinda hope it’s not the Mets. My last worry is saving Steve Cohen’s money, but I think when you’re talking the amounts you’re talking, you can get a lot more above-average roster help than just one guy.
The Minnesota Wild Have the Best Record in Hockey. This can’t be right. Someone must’ve slipped something in my Yoohoo. Let’s move on and hope it wears off by morning.
Aroldis Chapman Signs with the Bosox. Yes, it appears that the former mercurial Yankees closer has signed a one-year deal with their most bitter rivals. I think this is a good move for everyone involved. Yanks/Sox has felt a little pedestrian the past few years. If Chappy loses control of one of his celebrated heaters and plunks, say, Aaron Judge? Game on!
Short Matt. You can’t claim you’re in the holiday spirit without testing yourself at least once. [*Ahem*] Short Matt is actually a really good guy. There, I said it. I’ve given him much grief in this space over more years than I care to remember, but he’s a solid individual and always shows up for his friends. I’m gonna need to take a shower after this.
Golden At-Bat Rule??? Oh boy, here we go. Not sure if you’ve heard, but head Major League Baseball doofus—and Sid the Ice Age Sloth lookalike—Rob Manfred claims there could be growing support among owners to try out a hideous new wrinkle/way-to-ruin-the-game called The Golden At-Bat Rule. “What’s that dumb sh!t,” you ask? Allow me to tell you, and please don’t kill the messenger, I haven’t finished my Christmas shopping. The basic stupid idea behind The Golden At-Bat Rule is that a team could choose one at-bat in every game to use their best hitter, regardless of what that hitter’s turn in the order is. Basically it’s a pinch hitter without any substitutions or any real baseball logic behind it. Shohei Ohtani could have struck out two batters ago in the bottom of the ninth, but now the bases are loaded and you really want to use him again? Voila! You just hyperspace him right back out there. This is so idiotic, I can’t even discuss it any further. If this ridiculousness ever comes to pass, I’ll know that the baseball I grew up watching and playing is gone forever. I might be too.
Welp, I gave the ol’ college try today. Stayed mostly positive, but couldn’t stick the landing. Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, whose Knicks are starting to snap out of it. Enjoy your Wednesday.
