BROOKLINE, MA – Holidays are often comprised of lists. Naughty, Nice, Sugar, Spice, you name it. Everyone makes a list during the holiday season. I grew up without a Christmas Tree; but also without a fear of Hell. So it was a nice trade-off. No mayo on my bologna sandwiches, no milk with dinner either. But lots of Chinese Take-Out on Sunday nights. I could never run or jump very high or build anything at all, so kids like me always looked for these qualities in other people. Adam Sandler’s 3 versions of his Hanukkah Song have always resonated with me and yes, I have great pride in some of history’s greatest ballplayers, who also lit the menorah. Sandy Koufax, Hank Greenberg, and more recently guys like Ryan (Cheater) Braun, Kevin Youkilis, Ian Kinsler and New York Giants oft-injured Guard Geoff Schwartz. A similar list in which I have great pride includes several who have no trouble getting my dreidel spinning, like Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis, Scarlett Johanssen, and Bar Rafaeli. So forgive my annual kvelling here as we go through the obligatory progressions… Please listen to the following and get the tune down.
With the above as a lyrical reference, sing the following:
Put on your Yalmulke, Here comes Hanukkah
Its soooo much fun-akkah to celebrate Hanukkah...
Hanukkah is…the festival of lights,
Instead of one day of presents, we have eight crazy nights.
When you feel like the only kid in town without a x-mas tree, here’s a list of
People who are Jewish, just like you and me:
O-Line Bros Geoff and Mitchell Schwartz light the menorah,
So do Jordan Farmar, Brad Ausmus and the great Ian Kinsler-ah
Guess who eats together at the Carnegie deli-cahhh,
Mark Roth from the PBA-ahnicka, and Third Baseman Dan Valencia-aahh.
Ike Davis is half jewish; Amare Stoudemire thinks he’s half too,
Put them together–what a powerful Jew!
You don’t need to deck the halls or jingle bell rock-
Cause you can spin the Dreidel with Craig Breslow and Bud Black–both Jewish!
Put on your yalmulke, its time for Hanukkah,
The owner of the Miami Heat-icha-celebrates hanukkah.
Adrian Peterson-not a jew…
But guess who is…hall of famer-Sandy Koufax too…
We got MVP Ryan Braun and his Grandpa Moe Berg,
Tom Brady is a quarter Jew–not too shabby!
Staten Island’s own, Jason Marquis-gets the gelt on Hanukkah, so does LeBron’s Coach Blatt;
but not Kyrie Irving-in spite of a name like that!
Melvin Mora-not a Jew at all, but Michael Camelleri lights the lamp AND the menorah;
As does the Greek God of Walks, Kevin Youki-lora
Some people think that David Cone is…
Well, he’s not,
But guess who is: Mo(i)ses Alou.
Dodgers’ Joc Pederson, a fast rising young Jew…
Pair him with Shawn Green, what a fine Outfield crew!
So many jews are in Pro Sports–
Peyton Manning isn’t but I heard his agent is.
Tell your friend Veronica, its time you celebrate hanukkah…
I hope i get a harmonica, on this lovely, lovely hanukkah.
So drink your gin-and-tonic-ah, and smoke your mara-juanic-ah,
If you really, really wanna-kah,
Have a happy, happy, happy, Happy Hanukkah!!. Happy Hanukka!