NEW YORK, NY – With Junoir Blaber about as reliable as tweet from President Trump these days, our MTM Edit Staff is getting off easy today, as Blaber’s column is absent – which is often the case in the President’s tweets. And that’s not a political statement, Grinding Ax Walter Hynes, so don’t get your Ivanka panties in a bunch. Speaking the missing, here’s today’s column: MLB’s Absent Stars Killing Pennant Races:
When you’re in NYC, you don’t have to look far.
David Wright: This guy is right up there with Malice. “What in the good Christ is going on around here?” Can we just get on with it already. Take him behind the barn and shoot him. He’s lame. But his Manager, Terry Collins, is a lame duck manager. And here’s an intriguing idea about keeping the ol’ mudder from the glue factory; have him replace Collins next season.
Matt Harvey: The hurler’s version of D-Wright, The Harve is the heir apparent to Herr Wright in the HPOBFD… Hair-Pulling-Out- By- Fans Department. Catchy acronym aside, The Dark Knight is not out fighting crime, or is he fighting off sluggers. Instead, he’s building back the atrophied shoulder muscle that is the latest apparent reason why he looked like Dillon Gee the first two-plus months. Gee whiz, Dillon would actually be a better guy to hand the ball to – at least you know what to expect.
The Yankees Starters: In this rotation, Harvey and Gee would be battling out to be the ace. And this pundit LOVES THAT. But Rob Manfred & Co hate it because it means both NY teams will be absent (see what we did there?) from the playoffs. Unless another absentee steps up…
Brian Cashman: This article just
Wrights writes itself, doesn’t it? In The Reign of George, 4.5 games out would be spending a king’s ransom at the trading deadline to secure yet another World Series run. But this ain’t George’s Stankees. It’s Hal’s – not even Hank’s – and Hal is definitely his mother’s son. Just tough his silky soft accountant’s hands. By the way, Hank looks suspiciously like Babe Ruth, no? Regardless, Yankee Balls are absent thus far.
Closers: Both the Mutts and Stankees are without their studs in the pen. Jeurys Familia is out with Metsitis, while Aroldis Chapman just sucks. Carrying around all of that loot can wear a body down. Hey, weren’t both these guys in domestic abuse squabbles? Just sayin’…
Junoir Blaber: His being absent today subjected you and MLB to this fine bit of investigative research/detective work. Pepper him with taunts/insults via Twitter. @JunoirBlaber
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