HOLLYWOOD, CA – Scrolling through Twitter late Sunday night I called out to my wife, “Kobe Bryant won an Oscar and Larry Bird got snubbed?” “No,” dumbass, “Lady Bird got snubbed. But Kobe did win an Oscar.” Well, I didn’t see that coming, and it wasn’t great timing for the #MeToo movement. But hey, in the words of the great actor Sidney Portier, “So much of life, it seems to me, is determined by pure randomness.” I think a few teams also deserved Oscar consideration. So in the spirit of randomness, let’s give out a few.
Worst Supporting Actors – Cleveland Cavaliers
It seemed like the Cavs did the right thing in cleaning out a cancerous locker room. But LeBron James now finds himself with no Scottie Pippen and this team in going nowhere. I think he’s going to have to exit stage left with his talents and finish his career elsewhere.
Best Original Screenplay – the Las Vegas Golden Knights
Through Sunday, the G Knights have the third most points in the league. This is the best inaugural season for an expansion team ever, hands down. Outside of maybe the goalie, Marc-Andre Fleury, I bet you can’t name one G-Knight. This team has fewer household names than that plucky Indians team that beat Clu Haywood and the New York Yankees in that memorable one game playoff on the dramatic bunt steal-play pulled off by Jake Taylor and Willie Mays Hayes.
They couldn’t acquire superstar defenseman Erik Karlsson, but the Knights have the depth to make some noise in the playoffs. Kudos to George McPhee and Gerard Gallant for taking a pile of oyster dung and turning it into a string of pearls.
Penn State RB Saquon Barkley at 2018 Combine:
– Stronger than Joe Thomas
– Quicker than DeSean Jackson
– Faster than Devin Hester
– Jumps higher than Julio Jones@PennStateFball pic.twitter.com/usgR6vJvOn— NFL Research (@NFLResearch) March 2, 2018
Lifetime No Achievements Award – Cleveland Browns
All eyes are on Cleveland, who own two of the top four picks. Saquon Barkley’s combine stats were impressive and he’s looking like the pick. Sure, they have to get a QB, but no one really seems sure which one is the best. If Saquon is the can’t miss guy in the draft, it makes sense to take him and then pick your top QB left at four. I don’t think this franchise can survive passing on another great QB, but the Browns have a chance to punch their way out of the corner with one deadly combination.
Best Director – the New York Rangers
Jeff Gorton and Rangers brass deserve credit for not getting Hanksentimental and breaking things up. The Rangers weren’t getting it done and they pulled in a lot of young assets for expensive, declining ones. But settle down Rangers fans who think the rejuvenated team can make the playoffs. They beat three crappy teams and Hank making 50 saves a night is not a recipe for success on Broadway.
Best Score – The San Francisco 49ers
The Schadenfreude is set to go nationwide when the wheels finally come off the Patriots’ bus. The spat between the Kraft, Brady, Bellichick douche triangle worked out for the 49ers, who landed the big fish in Jimmy Garoppolo. 49ers management must have had to use their best acting chops to not sound over-eager when they got that call. “You want a second round pick? I don’t know, it’s a deep draft. Garaoppolo? Well, we do need a QB. Ok, I guess we’ll do it.”
That’s it for me. Come back tomorrow for Angry Ward, and his four inch vertical jump. You can follow us on Twitter at @BenWhit8, @MeetTheMatts, @Matt_McCarthy00, Instagram @MeetTheMatts and like our Facebook page, Meet The Matts.
