LAS VEGAS, NV – Thank you, Hockey Gods, for not allowing Lord Stanley’s Cup to be violated unspeakably/reprehensibly in the soul-less den of inequity that is the 2-block abomination known as Sin City. But at what price, ask Ye/Youse? Fair question. See, the Stanley Cup Finals are as close to war as it gets in sports, right up there with a Rugby World Cup Final. And it’s cold… Cold + War = Cold War. And what does every Cold War include? Russians. Let’s look at the facts:
Alex Ovechkin: He is Russian. He and his Washington Capitals broke a 44 or 48 (can’t remember which and too lazy to look it up) drought to finally win a Stanley Cup. His team did it while the standing President is/was under the microscope for Russian shenanigans (first time those two terms have been used together?). Post hoc, ergo propter hoc? Maybe. But he has countrymen/colluders/spies with him as well. We’re looking at you, Evgeny Kuznetsov, Dmitry Orlov, Jacob Vrana (Czech = Red) & Nathan Walker (Cardiff, Wales my a$$)
Vladmir Putin: He is Russian. He plays hockey. The aforementioned Ovechkin plays hockey. No big deal, right? WRONG. They played hockey TOGETHER. Putin runs Russia. He is Russia’s Russian! He is under the same Russian Collusion microscope as a certain President of the US&A is. Da!
Donald Trump: He is not Russian… but his wife and youngest son are! He doesn’t know hockey, you say. Wrong again, Bettman Batman. He has been shown on this very site at Ranger games. And more importantly, he has held Lord Stanley’s Cup in his small or large hands – depending on who you ask. And his doofus older sons also like the Rooskies. It’s on The Google.
Melania Trump: We have decided not to include her in this Capital Capitol Cup Collusion Case for two reasons: 1) She lives in Earth’s Purgatory. 2) She clearly wants nothing to do with her husband or his two eldest doofus sons. She’s suffered enough already.
What does all this mean?
At the very least, it means that there will be Russians in the White House very soon, canoodling with a President that shouldn’t be colluding canoodling with Commies, what with Bob Mueller’s thing and all. Maybe, just maybe, the Cup being in Sin City wouldn’t be so bad after all.
Comment below, find us across all social media, and come back tomorrow for Canadian Cup Colluder, Junoir Blaber.
