Angry Ward Wednesday: Mets Mishigas, Gronk Goes Gulfing, and Nothing About the NFL Draft

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PALM BEACH, FL – So, the NFL Draft is tomorrow night, and I’ve kinda been laying off writing about it. For one, we’ve got other guys here like Ben Whitney, Buddy Diaz, and Junoir Blaber, who have more to say on the subject than I do. Also, no one wants to hear a Viking fan’s take on the draft… even me. Luckily, two big stories fell in my lap: A-Rod and JLo are trying to buy the Mets and Rob Gronkowski has come out of retirement to play with his old (and I do mean old) pal Tom Brady in Tampa Bay. But, naturally, Short “Scoop” Matt had to bring both of these things up in the comments section yesterday. What a leader he is! I smell the White House (or is that White Castle?) in his future. It doesn’t matter. Let’s do this anyway.

The Future Mr. and Mrs. Met… and Mark Anthony?

The New York RodLoPolitans? Some say everything in life is timing. Sometimes you luck into something just by being at the right place at the right time, and sometimes you make a calculated move at what you think is the right time. Whatever you think of the news of JRod trying to put together a group to buy the Mets, it sure looks like they might have the Wilpons right where they want them with this pandemic we’re all enduring.

I know there are many (*ahem* Short Matt) that are crying “Anyone but A-Rod!,” but can you really b!tch and moan when for years you’ve been screaming, “Anyone but the Wilpons!” I firmly believe that the Mets being sold to Alex Rodriguez during Covid-19 lockdown is the most on-brand Mets sale ever. This is a team that traded Tom Seaver, fer crissakes. You can rightfully despise A-Rod all you like, and for myriad reasons, but make no mistake, he is NOT worse than the Wilpons. Seriously, it can always be worse. Like when Jared Kushner buys the Knicks. You’ll be sleeping with the light on tonight thinking about that one, Knicks fans.

Last Tango in Tampa. Bonus points for anyone who knows from what TV show I got this boldfaced intro. Anyway, yesterday’s huge news was Rob Gronkowski coming out of retirement (not that he was ever officially retired) to play for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers next year with Tom Brady. People are going nuts over this, but I think some of that is because we are so starved for any kind of sports news.

Sure, Brady to Gronk is one of the most prolific combos ever, but aren’t both of these gents on the wrong side of their respective football careers? And since when does anyone WANT to go to Tampa? I’m down in this…um… state, and I avoid that place like the plague. But then it dawned on me: Tampa Bay is the perfect place for Brady and Gronk. For Brady, it’s the perfect spot to set up his post-football Stay-Young-Forever Snake Oil Factory. And for Gronk, he’s in strip club heaven. Gronk’s an easy book to read, with lots of pictures, but we like that about him.

Off to Greener Acres. One final note, and this one is for my brother, the final living cast member of the classic TV show Green Acres passed away a couple of days ago. Tom Lester who played hayseed farmhand Eb, was 81. Green Acres was/is a big favorite of my big brother. The world still hasn’t recovered from the passing of the show’s real star, Arnold Ziffel, who went to the Big Pig Sty in the Sky years ago.

That’s all for today. Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz and his NFL Mock Draft 12.8.

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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