BRONX, NY – Welcome to Wednesday of that dark, cold, drunk tank of a week that comes between Christmas and New Year’s. Hide the pills, sharp objects, and bathtub-friendly electronics! This is the week that acts like the start of Spring Training (of sorts) for the most depressing month of the year, the month of my birth, February. But THIS particular day also is the last lousy Wednesday in one of the worst years ever, at least in our lifetimes. But why sit around and sulk as we stare into the uncertain gray abyss? Let’s hand out some hardware for the Best of the Worst of 2020!
Adam Gase. If ever there was a sports poster boy for 2020, it’s Adam Gase. This guy did everything he could to win and THEN, when he stopped trying, admitted failing his young QB as a coach, and basically begged to be fired, the team responded by winning 2 straight… almost 3! But, it gets better. Only after the 2 wins was he finally told that he would not be back next year. As Cindy Adams would say, “Only in New York, kids.”
Paul George. Let’s just cut to the chase, shall we? Paul George is the basketball equivalent of the cursed Tiki from the old Brady Bunch Hawaii trip episode arc. The only thing missing is there’s no old Mr. Hanalei to warn dumb NBA execs that this guy is bad juju. He teams up with the seemingly invincible Kawhi Leonard to try to bring the Clippers a championship and the Denver Nuggets (of all teams) burst their bubble. Not to be deterred, earlier this month the Clip Joint gave George a four-year extension for $190 million. Now THAT, my friends, is restaurant-quality 2020 sh!t. Not quite voting to give Donnie Douchebag four more years, but close.
Sandy Alderson. I’m putting Sandy in here for a couple of reasons. First, his name alone is going to set Short Matt off. Second, he kinda reminds me of Buck Henry’s do-nothing attorney character from the Albert Brooks film, Defending Your Life. I’m a fan of Albert Brooks, and just mentioning one of his films will also send Short Matt through the roof. He thinks Ed Burns is a great filmmaker, so there’s that.
Anti-Maskers. The least tough group of people since the Italian Army in WWII. And at least the Italian Army knew something about food and wine and could probably take you, as individuals, one-on-one in a fight. AMs bring nothing to the table except whining about how their freedom is being encroached upon. What a bunch of losers. I’m done here. Let’s move on.
Atlanta Falcons. This is America’s Team for 2020. They screwed up every possible way they could this year, including their Pro Bowl kicker missing a makeable field goal last Sunday that would have taken the suddenly offensively-challenged Chiefs to overtime in KC. They blew so many winnable games in so many ways, it was like Super Bowl LI Groundhog Day. They are 4-11 with a -1 point differential! To give you some context, the Giants are 5-10 with a -81.
Badminton. I ordered a Badminton set this summer. I thought this was a good idea. You know who likes Badminton? Almost no one. Pull out your Badminton set and prepare to be shuttlecock-blocked, my friends.
Hey, here’s to brighter days and much better Cheesy Bruin Free NFL Picks ahead. I’m just glad Dick Clark isn’t alive to oversee this Fockin’ New Year’s Eve.
Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz who, as an Eagles fan, is a pro at watching ball drops.
