Big Ben Tuesday: Three Epic Showdowns – Ted Cruz vs Jerry Jones, Artemi Panarin vs Vlad Putin, Zach Britton vs Domingo German

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RUMBLE CITY, USA – There were some epic showdowns in the sports world this week, including a few bizarre intersections with Shady Politicians, foreign and domestic. Let’s take a look at three memorable confrontations.

Jerry vs Ted

Jerry Jones is the majority stockholder of an energy company called Comstock. Well, according to NPR, this company is selling gas at “super premium prices.” In other words, the owner of America’s Team is price-gouging the good people of Texas while they’re freezing their stirrups off. I think we can close the file on the case of Is Jerry Jones a Decent Human Being.”

He would be the most hated man in Texas if not for the douche bag that Trump called “Lyin’ Ted.” Hey, Trump got something right! When Chris Christie says it’s hard to have sympathy for you, it’s time to examine some of your life choices. It’s puzzling that no one from Ted ‘s staff thought to call him and say; “You know, maybe going to Cancun right now won’t be a good look.”

Panarin and Putin

This one is odd. NY Rangers star winger Artemi Panarin took a leave of absence from the team, bringing the team’s offense with him, because his former KHL coach said he beat up an 18-year old girl once.

But Panarin has been heavily critical of Vladmir Putin and the KHL Coach (I refuse to look up his name) is a big Putin guy. Like when Mets fans pretend they’re glad Toronto signed Springer, nobody believes his bullsh!t yarn.

I don’t really understand why Panarin has to leave the team if no one believes this crap story. Don’t we still have some sleeper agents we can activate to get Panarin’s family out of there? Let’s nip this in the bud before this nutbag coach starts throwing other Russian Rangers under the bus. Heavy Russian accent: “Also, Buchnevich kill baby and Shesterkin put cocaine in water bottle.”

This break had better be quick or say nyet to the playoffs.

Zach vs Domingo

Aaron Boone thought the Domingo German domestic violence incident was water under the bridge until Britton lamented in an interview “you can’t always choose your teammates.” When someone trolled him on Twitter he responded with “Hah you think I don’t know the circumstances. Get a clue bud.” Coincidentally, “get a clue bud” is by far the most common reply to Short Matt’s comments on this blog.

Unlike the Panarin fiasco, the German incident occurred at a CC Sabathia charity gala.  The Yankees know what happened and it’s harder to forgive when you witness it with your own two eyes, instead of hearing it from some sycophant KHL coach with an Ax to grind. Things might not be so smooth in the Yankees clubhouse. It’s a good thing they brought the Gardy Party back to keep the peace. We’ll see how this plays out.

That’s it for me. Hopefully things straight out next week. Come back tomorrow for Jerry Jones’ biggest fan, Angry Ward. Follow us on Twitter at @BenWhit8, @MeetTheMatts, @Matt_McCarthy00,Instagram @MeetTheMatts and like our Facebook page, Meet The Matts.

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About Ben Whitney 402 Articles
Ben Whitney comes from journalistic stock. Aside from his brothers, rumor has that his great-great grandfather was the youngest brother of Eli Whitney and covered the earliest "rounders" games. Big Ben is also another New York Rugby Club player/pal of Different Matt, Short Matt and Junoir Blaber. He likes film noir discussions, has twin girls and took up ice hockey after retiring from rugby.