NEW YORK, NY – While today’s headline may sound like the start of a Henny Youngman or [insert your comedian here] joke, it ticks all the nifty sports headline boxes and actually nails the current sports event thingy, too. Yay! But in case you’re like Junoir Blaber or most of society and just clicked on the picture without reading what this is about, here are our topics for today: A Polar Bear, Home Run Horse and Herschel Walker…
Polar Bear, Home Run Horse
As a cynical douche, I look for imperfections in people before I’ll actually root for them. Sometimes I sink so low I’ll manufacture them. With Pete Alonso, however, my douchbaggery is working in reverse. It was man-crush at first sight. And what was not to like? He’s hit above .250 – which is the new .280 – and recorded the 2nd most homers in 300 games. Ryan Howard is first and he played in a minor league ballpark built for lefties. And he’s unabashedly not chiseled like Stanton. His name is Pete. It’s not fancy like Giancarlo. He’s a bit goofy, wears his heart on his sleeve and yells out #LFGM and is like a guy you on your beer league team… But now this whole Home Run Horse has me wondering if I gave my affection to him to quickly. Is the horse thing douchey or is it just more Polar Bear fun? The douche in me is fighting to stay inside, sort of like Michael struggling to stay legit in The Godfather: Part Deux. Help me. Don’t let douchey me ruin Peter Morgan Alonso for smitten me.
BONUS TOPIC… Tylor Megill has been as good as Gerrit Cole. Gillise TM can now be called Ty. He’s earned it. Kind of like Ty Gretzky did, but more so because I can dangle him over another Yankees bust. Oh, and Edwin Diaz got a save last night after blowing three in a row. Sound the trumpets.
Now to Herschel Walker with sports and politics, Agnes…
The man that destroyed Angry Ward’s Vikings and won Cheesy Bruin’s & Grinding Ax Walt’s Cowboys three Super Bowls, is back in the news. What’s especially great is that he brings the #Olympics into play here, making us look somewhat up-to-speed. You may not know – or forgto – that Herschel was in the 1992 Olympics on Team USA’s two-man bobsled team. That’s right, an African-American kid from southern Georgia (the state, not the country) was in the mix to win a medal in a winter sport. Oh, and he also won the Heisman Trophy as an underclassman, played for Donald Trump’s NJ Generals and was traded from the Cowboys to the Vikings. It was 1989, at the height of Walker’s NFL career. Dallas sent Walker to the Minny for five players and six draft picks. The players were LB Jesse Solomon, DB Isiac Holt, RB Darrin Nelson, LB David Howard, and DE Alex Stewart. The picks turned into players such as Emmitt Smith, Russell Maryland, Kevin Smith, and Darren Woodson. Walker was then alone on the Vikings, as they had no players left. Literally. Anywho… Here’s what H-Dubya had to say about the kneeling and/or protesting in Tokyo and his moment as an Olympian:
“When I started seeing the United States flag and started seeing the people, the uniform, all my teammates from all different sports coming into that stadium — it almost brought a tear to my eye when I started thinking of where I grew up as a boy in my little hometown, and now having the chance to represent the United States of America. I couldn’t have been more proud of anything… People think I’m very harsh when I say this. This is the United States of America, and if people don’t like the rules here — and there’s no doubt we can make some things better — but if people don’t like the rules here, why are you here? …It’s very sad to me because any other country… I can promise you… they would not be representing that country. I totally disagree with it, but they have the right to do it, even though I think it’s wrong. We have to have leaders that… are going to stand up and say the right thing. You can feel a certain way and I think that’s great, but this is the United States Olympics. … I’m not sure that’s the time or place.”
Watch what you say because at 48 Walker started his steel cage career. At 59, he still does 2500 push-ups and 5000 sit-ups every morning. He will find you and he will kick your soft ass.
And with that, I’m kaput. Please feel free to leave your wisdom or questions below and come back tomorrow for Cheesy Bruin, who HATED the Walker trade.