Angry Ward Wednesday: The Jags are Junk, Miggy Mashes, and Other Quick Sports Pick-Me-Ups

BRONX, NY – Growing up as a standard NYC street urchin back in the ’70s and early ’80s, there was Wiffle Ball aplenty, football in the middle of the street with traffic whizzing by (*Note: There is STILL no way to defend a down and out between two parked cars), and summers that you just wanted to hold on to forever. The day that first “Back to School” commercial came flickering across your crappy TV on WPIX 11 or WOR 9 or Channel 5 WNEW, you wanted to murder someone. Also, by the end of August, Moms were pretty much fed up with cooking. When the temperature edged into the 90s, as it is this week, my Mom would utter two very familiar phrases when faced with the question: “What’s for dinner?” It was either “catch-as-catch-can” or “some quick pick-me-ups.” Basically this amounted to either cold cuts or leftovers or Chinese takeout. Anyway, this is my LONG way getting to tell you that today on Meet The Matts, we’ll be catch-as-catch-canning with some quick sports pick-me-ups.

Angry Ward

Jags Off. I watched an exhibition football game (f**k calling it anything else) the other night between the Saints and the Jaguars. That’s what it’s come to. Anyway, let me tell you, dear readers, the Jaguars absolutely suck. I don’t think the Saints are going to be much good either, but Jacksonville made them look like the 1985 Chicago Bears. If he plays at all this year, #1 Pick Trevor Lawrence is gonna go bald from PTSD. Their other top pick, Lawrence’s college teammate Travis Etienne, is out for the season with a foot injury. And coach Urban Meyer looks like an old man lost in traffic. In short, the Jags are the perfect Florida football team.

Baseball! Miguel Cabrera, of our own Grinding Ax Walt’s Detroit Tigers, hit his 500th home run the other day, and he’s just 45 hits shy of 3,000. I wrote about this earlier in the year, but I hope he accomplishes both this season. You know who’s not in the 500/3,000 club? Babe Ruth, Ted Williams, Mike Schmidt, and Barry Bonds, to name a few. In other baseball news, my lousy Mariners are within a game of tying JG Clancy’s stinking A’s. They beat them yesterday with the help of two ex-Mets: Jarred Kelenic, who has struggled quite a bit but is starting to work through it, and Chris Flexen, who won his 11th (!) game of the season. As I write this, the Mets are losing 7-0 and have one hit (by their pitcher) and the Orioles are well on their way to losing their 19th straight at home to the Angels. Plenty of other writers here to cover the other NY baseball team.

Tennis and Swimming News. I played tennis and went swimming yesterday. That’s all I got for you on that front.

Buddy Diaz

Everson Griffen Explains it All. He’s back and he’s right! (see above)

Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, who will most like cook up a 5-course sports banquet for you.

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About Angry Ward 656 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.