Angry Ward Wednesday: Nets & Knicks Are Disasters, The Super Bowl Menu, and Golden Oldies to Return to Queens

NOTE: MTM Management wishes a HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Angry Ward!!!

BRONX, NY – Yesterday I was sitting on a sunny 85-degree beach enjoying some solitude, and today I’m back in NYC writing my weekly Wednesday column for this sports prison barge. Life can be like that. Don’t get too comfortable, because a swift steel-toed kick in the choppers is always closer than you think. In any event, I’d like to thank my big brother for getting me out of Dodge for both my birthday and that horrendous dead weekend before the Super Bowl Big Game. It was a welcome distraction. Anyway, what’s going on in sports? No cable where I was staying and the breadth of sports knowledge among the locals begins and ends with Don Shula, who they talk about like he’s still drawing oxygen and is gonna walk through the door any day now. I’m at a bit of a disadvantage, but I’ll do my best to cobble something together.

New York Basketball. C’mon, I can’t save all of this stuff for Buddy Diaz. The NBA Trading Deadline is tomorrow at 3 pm and New York’s two basketball teams, the Nets and Knicks, have lost a combined 11 straight. Excuse me while I LOL. Okay, recomposed. As always, the basketball season in New York is playing out like a 1970s disaster movie. Whether it’s The Towering Knicksferno or Netsquake, these two teams are in constant peril. Will James Harden get traded? Probably not. Will he pout? Probably. Can the Knicks turn it around, or will they crumble, get Tom Thibodeau fired, and start from scratch again? Let’s get real, people, you’ve seen these films before. I’m writing this Tuesday and the Knicks are in Denver, so that’s a definite loss. The Nets are in Brooklyn hosting Boston without Kyrie, Harden and KD. Wait, let me check the score. Boston up 28-2 in the First Quarter??? Hahahahaha! Marvelous. Let’s move to football.

The Big Game. Don’t you love how the NFL is still so protective of anyone calling the Super Bowl the Super Bowl or even using the term Super Sunday? How utterly stupid. Luckily, here at MTM, we’re operating under an opaque cloak of absolute anonymity the size of 10,000 football fields, so we’re pretty safe to say Super Bowl as many times as we please. Here, I’ll show ya! Nah, forget it. I’m not gonna break this game down or anything. Let’s just get to Sunday and eat and drink and eat some more. What’s everyone’s go-to munchies for SB Sunday? I like the classics like pigs in a blanket, chili, friggin’ Doritos… really, everything’s in play. So, open your culinary playbooks, especially you Cam and Clancy, the people have a right to know! Short Matt, you and your Tofu Pups and Hummus can sit this one out. No worries.

Flushing Flashback on Tap. News broke yesterday that Steve Cohen and the New York Metropolitans are planning on bringing back Old Timers’ Day this year… if there is a THIS YEAR. This is great news! It’ll be slightly melancholy without Tom Seaver, but I’m sure they’ll have no problem getting a bunch of guys to come back. Personally, I’d love to see Dave Kingman, Craig Swan, and Bartolo Colon, among many others. In fact, if the baseball season doesn’t happen, I’d be fine paying to watch the old timers play pickup games. As my brother said, “Hopefully they bring back Banner Day next.”

Speaking of next, I’m done for today. Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, who wasn’t named after Buddy Harrelson… at least I think.

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About Angry Ward 742 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.