AI Ward: Sports Ball, Elly De La Cruz, and Other 100% Artificial Athletic Information

Angry Ward Calhoun, Stephen A Smith, Sports Ball, Elly De La Cruz, MLB, Rob Manfred, Skip Bayless, Mets, Meet-The-Matts, #GoogleAlerts

NEW YORK, NY – [Ed. note: For the two of you who haven’t heard yet, the Writer’s Guild of America is currently on strike. While I’m not a member of the WGA, I am sincerely sympathetic to their cause. Not only are they not being fairly compensated for the original content they create for old school TV and movie media, as well as seemingly limitless new streaming platforms, they’re also facing the very real threat of being replaced by Artificial Intelligence (AI) tools like Chat GPT. While I have years and years and years of experience being “underpaid” for written content, at this point I would almost welcome a robot replacement on this death ship. Today, I’m on strike. The future is now. Enjoy AI Ward Wednesday.]

Sports Ball. There are no reported sports ball scores at the time of this generated text.

Elly De La Cruz. Is the future of baseball… until the robots take over… which will be soon. Beep… boop… beep.

Kyrie Irving. Noted Flat Earth scientist.

PGA. Saudi-owned sports association promoting walking with sticks and hitting tiny balls into tiny holes. Followed and played mostly by sunburned caucasoids.

Rob Manfred. Low-functioning, discontinued “Oaf Model” sports executive cyborg.

Predicted Super Bowl LVIII Winner. Not enough data at this time… but definitely not the Dallas Cowboys.

Rubgy. What’s a rubgy?

Angel Hernandez. Ball and strike contrarian.

Stephen A. Smith. No.

Skip Bayless. Please… don’t.

Bill Belichick Press Conference. Yes. No. Yes. No. On to Cincinnati. Bzzzzap!

Explain the 2023 New York Mets. Circuits overheating. Disengage.

Suzyn Waldman. ‘That’s baseball, Jawn!” Szzzle. Zap!

Proofread and Fact-check Junoir Blaber Column. WHZZZZZ CRACKLE PING PING BZZZ!

Short Matt. System Fail. System Fail. System Fail.





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About Angry Ward 737 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.