KANSAS CITY, MO – Somehow Blaber got through an entire post Monday without mentioning Taylor Swift or Travis Kelce. That grievous and egregious omission will be rectified today. Even the great Bill Belichick seems to be star-struck, calling Swift: “tough, man” after she endured the rain for a three and a half hour set in Boston. And if Kelce is able to reel in the superstar, Belichick said it would be his biggest catch. Hey now. Well, let’s try to sort out the NFL contenders from the Pretenders, with a little help from some of T-Swizzle’s Biggest Hits. If you don’t have daughters or are not a Swifty, well, I apologize…for absolutely nothing.
I Knew You Were Trouble
Dolphins: It’s possible I may have underestimated Miami and Tua. The NFL record for the most points in a game is 72, and the Dolphins dropped a 70- bomb on the Broncos and were in FG range at the end. They should’ve kicked it. The Fish scored TDs on 10 of 11 possessions, not counting the end of half and end game knee downs. Dang, Mike McDaniel, the head coach who looks like an analytics staffer, might actually know what he’s doing.
Chiefs: The only question in this game was whether Kelce would get a TD for his special guest. If Mahomes didn’t get him one, he’d go down as the worst wingman ever. It finally happened in the third and the luxury box rejoiced. It looks like the Chiefs are starting to figure out their receiving core and that is trouble. Note, Kadarius Toney played two snaps.
Shake it Off
Cowboys: There were some people out there who thought the Cards let the Giants and Commanders come back late to stay in play for the top pick tank. But the Cards are sneaky good and could easily be 3-0 right now. Bad loss for the ‘Boys, likely reeling from the brutal practice injury to Diggs.
Jaguars: It was a massively disappointing loss for the Jags, who finished strong last year and were expected to vault into contention. Giving up 37 and losing by 20 to the 0-2 Texans is not inspiring.
Cleveland: Another team we may’ve underestimated is the Browns. Even without Chubb, they easily crushed the Titans. If not for giving up two defensive TDs last Monday, this team would be 3-0. The defense has only given up one TD in three games – a bomb to George Pickens. Watson is a mystery but if he returns to form they could be trouble. Oh, oh, trouble trouble trouble.
Houston: I know they’ve only won one game, but CJ Stroud sure looks like a player. And players gonna play, play, play…Sorry, I can’t stop. In three games he’s had four TDs, no interceptions, and has completed 67% of his passes. Not a bad start to his career.
Jets: 4th and 10 with the game on the line and Zach Wilson throws a one yard check down to Tyler Conklin. As John Madden would have wondered, why would you even have a receiver only one yard downfield on a 4th and 10, especially a guy who’s not exactly known for breaking tackles and racking up the YAC? I think that tells you all you need to know about Wilson, even though they almost pulled off the miracle Hail Mary. With a Sunday night tilt lined up against the Chiefs, this Jet flight could go into a tailspin in a hurry. The Jets have a long list of bad QBs, they’ll tell you the coach was to blame, I got a blank space, Zachary, and I’ll write your name.
Giants: You know things are bad when you lose 30 to 12 and your fan base is all “hey, that could’ve been a lot worse.” I’m tired of talking about the O-line, but three-yard outs to Paris Campbell does not make for good offense. With road games at Miami and Buffalo looming, next Monday’s home game against Seattle is a must win. With such high hopes coming in, the Giants and Jets are in danger of becoming immediately irrelevant.
Vikings: Kirk Cousins completed a 4th down pass to Hockenson on the Chargers six with 41 seconds left, down by four. The Chargers were on the verge of blowing another close one until Cousins came along and said “hold my beer.” They took forever to get the next play, letting the clock tick all the way down to about 18 seconds before snapping it. The Cousins pass then bounced in the air off Hockenson for the game ending interception. Absolutely brutal game management from the Vikings. Don’t expect T Swift to show up at a Vikings game with Hockenson’s mother anytime soon.
Bears: Matt Eberflus jumped to the head of the hot seat line after getting called out by his QB. It was another brutal performance by Justin Fields and the defense. This game was over before the half. The only question was the number of shots of Swift in the second half.
Broncos: Sean Payton might have to walk back some of his Hackett criticism after the Miami bloodbath. Hackett never gave up 70, pal. The Jets are in Denver in two weeks, which could be ugly in many many ways.
Don’t Blame Me
The only question left to answer is their celebrity couple name. I think “Swelce” is about as good as it’s gonna get. Anyhow, I’m sure looking forward to her breakup song about Kelce.
I’m sorry to have to say it,
but you’re as mean as Jerry Jones.
It was never gonna be forever,
You’re nothing without Mahomes.
We had a good time but it’s over,
and I can’t pretend.
Everyone knows Tony Gonzalez
was the best Chiefs’ tight end.
That’s it for me. Come back tomorrow for our own chart-topping superstar, Angry Ward.