BRONX, NY – It’s Wednesday July 1st, and the heat is on! The next few days around these parts, we’ll be experiencing what I like to call Do the Right Thing weather. When it’s this hot it’s best not to get close to people or cross a street behind a city bus. This is the type of summer weather when, back in the day, smart parents used to send their kids off to the movies for the day. There’s nothing like killing hours sitting inside and air-conditioned multiplex, eating popcorn and candy and drinking enough sugary soda to power a small country. With that in mind, let’s grab a seat in the balcony for these summer sports blockbusters, now playing at a theater near you.
Independence Day. We’re about to celebrate our country’s 250th birthday (whatevs) and the Mets should mark the day by giving their President of Baseball Operations, David Stearns, his independence. Maybe shoot him out of a novelty red, white, and blue cannon or something, right over the centerfield wall, apple, and scoreboard. Who says “no” to this? I mean, besides Stearns. This would at least give fans something to be happy about with this lost, Bad-News-Bears of a season. Every year on July 4th, we can celebrate. Whee!
It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World. Have you guys been keeping up with the World Cup? It’s been pretty wacky. We are into the knockout stage (finally) and a couple of formidable teams have been sent packing. The Netherlands lost on a completely wild penalty shootout to Morocco. Orange you sad? And we said a quick “Auf Wiedersehen” to Germany, who also lost on penalties to Paraguay. But, given how many Germans relocated to that part of the world after WWII, they can maybe take some solace in the fact that they were defeated by at least a few Deutschland descendants.
The Warriors. Ugh, there are rumors flying that my favorite long-in-the-tooth basketball team, Golden State, may be bringing in another golden oldie in the form of LeBron James… and maybe even his former oft-injured teammate Anthony Davis. I gotta say, I don’t love this idea. I just don’t think a bunch of geriatrics taking on guys 10 to 20 years younger is a recipe for success. Seems like one of those lesser gangs in the movie, The Warriors (the Orphans, for example) taking on the Gramercy Riffs. It ain’t gonna end well.
Wimbledon. Believe it or not, Wimbledon was an actual movie starring Kirsten Dunst and set at… well… the Wimbledon tennis tournament. Yesterday Serena Williams (Mom of two) returned to Wimbledon and lost her first match back to Australian (and great fake attendance sheet name) Maya Joint, in three sets. Good to see Serena back out there.
Gus the Kicking Mule. What would summer be without a Disney movie starring a football-playing Jackass. Perfect preparation for your 2026 NFL season, Jets Fans. Not to be confused with The Green Mile, which focuses more on the restroom lines at Jets games. Coming next summer, another sure-to-be Disney classic about a porcine football ref titled, The Pig n Whistle.
Okay, I’m done. Come on back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, whose favorite teams are due for some hard times. No… seriously.
