Brian Cashman Interview re A-Rod, Jay Z, Scott Boras, Brian McCann, CC

Brian Cashman a smelly phone.
Yankees general manager Brian Cashman
Brian Cashman on a smelly phone.

NEW YORK, NY – Good morning. Angry Ward is off this week on a doctor-mandated yoga retreat in Tulum, dealing with some anger issues. In his stead, we are excited to present our exclusively prevaricated interview with Yankees GM Brian Cashman. We’ll get right to it.

WHITNEY: Good morning Mr. Cashman, thanks for joining us.
CASHMAN: Sure. What network are you with again?

WHITNEY Good one! Let’s get right to the questions. How do you rate the Yankees playoff chances this year?
CASHMAN: Very good. I’m expecting big second halves from some of our veterans, like A-Rod, CC, and Tex.

WHITNEY: What gives you that idea?
CASHMAN: Well, they’re highly paid. It’s only a matter of time before their production comes in line with their salaries.

WHITNEY: That doesn’t make any sense.
CASHMAN: That’s what Scott Boras told me.

Scott_Boras Jay-Z Meet_The_Matts

WHITNEY: Okay. Switching gears, when A-Rod opted out in 2007, most fans didn’t want him back. No other teams seemed interested in paying him close to what he wanted. He was also dealing with steroid issues. Yet you stepped up and gave him $275 million over 10 years. This contract will end when A-Rod is 42 years old and a shell of his former self. You still have to pay him $20 million next year. What was going through your head when you offered that deal?
CASHMAN: Well, he told me he never did steroids. And he seemed sincere. Plus, he took me to this really cool club. I met Jay Z.

WHITNEY: He took you to a club? He can’t even play defense anymore.
CASHMAN: Yeah, but he hit his 696th home run on Monday. That’s his 9th of the year. If he finishes the year with say 15, that will put him only 60 behind Bonds on the all time home run list. If he continues at his current pace, he’ll break the record on his next contract. To be safe, we think a 7-year deal should do it. We’d really like to see him break the record in pinstripes.

WHITNEY: Wait, you’re going to re-sign A-Rod after next year? That’s nuts.
CASHMAN: Scott said lots of other teams are interested, including the Red Sox.

WHITNEY: Let’s move on. When you signed CC Sabathia to an 8 year, $186 million deal, did you have concerns about his conditioning?
CASHMAN: Yes, but when we signed him, he promised to go on a raw vegan diet.

WHITNEY: How did that work out?
CASHMAN: Not well. He thought that meant he got to eat raw vegan pilates instructors.

WHITNEY: Interesting. When you signed Brian McCann to a five year, $85 million dollar deal in 2014, were you aware that several of the Yankees best prospects were catchers? Do you foresee Gary Sanchez getting a shot anytime soon?
CASHMAN: No. McCann makes way more money. And Sanchez is always… dirty. Tee hee.

Steinbrenner, Seinfeld
Costanza replaces Cashman! I have had it!

WHITNEY: But shouldn’t you be moving toward younger players? Have you learned anything from these long, bloated deals?
CASHMAN: Well, you have to understand, I never expected to be here this long. George would have fired me years ago.

WHITNEY: Do you have any prospects you’re looking to call up to maybe give this team a spark?
CASHMAN: Um. Did I show you my 2009 World Series ring?

WHITNEY Yes. Yes you did. Thanks for that and thanks for taking part in our prevaricated piece.
CASHMAN My pleasure. I love prevarications.

There you have it. Expect an optimistic Yankee front office to pull out all the stops to try to make the playoffs. [Yuk, yuk]. Stop by next week when we speak with Mets GM Sandy Alderson. In the meantime, please comment below and come back tomorrow for @BuddyDiaz19. And please follow us on Twitter – @BenWhit8 & @MeetTheMatts and like our Facebook page, Meet The Matts. Thank you.

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About Ben Whitney 343 Articles
Ben Whitney comes from journalistic stock. Aside from his brothers, rumor has that his great-great grandfather was the youngest brother of Eli Whitney and covered the earliest "rounders" games. Big Ben is also another New York Rugby Club player/pal of Different Matt, Short Matt and Junoir Blaber. He likes film noir discussions, has twin girls and took up ice hockey after retiring from rugby.