Angry Ward Wednesday: The Mets are Going For It and Will Fail Miserably

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BRONX, NY – I really don’t know what to write for this site anymore. If I write about football, I know my brother (who reads but never comments) will check out, because he’s no big football fan. I can’t write about hockey, because we have people on this site that know a whole lot more about it than me and cover it well. Basketball? You can only make fun of the Knicks so many times and the Warriors are going to win it all again anyway, so what’s the point? I could write about something other than sports, which I’d actually prefer, but that’s not the way this place works. So, baseball it is! And that usually comes down to either A) putting down the Yankees or B) holding the Mets up to ridicule. With the recent flurry of off-season activity, I’ll stick with the latter. Let’s make like Kareem Hunt and get this thing kicked off. (Too soon?)

Mets, Meet_The_Matts, Angry_Ward_Calhoun, Noah_Syndergaard, Robinson_Cano, Billy_Zabka

So the Mets traded for Robinson Cano and Edwin Diaz the other day and new GM Brodie Van Wagenen (which just sounds like the most ’80s-teen-movie-blonde-haired-a$$hole-character-played-by Billy-Zabka name ever) is talking like this is just the beginning of lots of bold moves. Hmm. Other than the usual reasons GMs go for broke–spending to cover up what lousy talent evaluators they are, trying to keep pace with teams that are far better, fears about job security, etc.–Van Wagenen (I’m already tired of typing his name) is framing this as not wanting to waste the primes of his young pitchers. Fair enough, but…

The Mets ARE going to waste the primes of their young pitchers. They got to the series in 2015 and got the holy hell beat out of them by the Royals. But the threesome of Matt Harvey, Noah Syndergaard, and Jacob deGrom seemed to be rock solid and a great foundation for the Mets to be contenders for the foreseeable future. But it didn’t work out that way. Harvey lost his fastball and some of his marbles and is gone. The other two guys are still around and one of them, deGrom, even won the Cy Young last year. But this is not a team remotely close to making the leap from 4th place finish in the NL East to title contender. There are still holes everywhere, particularly offensively, and too many better young teams to leapfrog.

yoenis-cespedes, Meet_The_Matts

David Wright Part Deux

Take it from me, Robinson Cano is NOT the answer to the Mets’ offensive woes… not even remotely. He has some gas left in the tank but in two years that tank will either be on E or otherwise gassed up with PEDs and primed for another suspension or lifetime ban. The infield corners are a wasteland, the outfield (especially without a healthy Cespedes) lacks any kind of pop, and don’t get me started on the mess behind home plate. They have an elite young closer in Diaz, but will there be games to close? The Mets couldn’t score runs last year and they don’t look any better going into this year. You can talk all you want about Nimmo, Conforto, and McNeil, but until they can produce over an entire season, it’s just talk. Maybe Amed Rosario can make the jump. Maybe Cespedes comes back and rakes. Maybe the team stays remotely healthy for once. That’s just way too many maybes.

I’ll root for the Mets this year, like always. But I’ve seen this movie before, in Seattle. Cano will play OK, but nothing close to what he once was. Diaz will have his moments, but he won’t be as light’s-out as he was last year, as the Mariners were selling him at his absolute ceiling. And deGrom will settle into his thankless role as the Felix Hernandez of Flushing. He’ll pitch great and draw legions of loyal fans to every start, but his brilliance won’t be enough to get this team to the playoffs.

Come back tomorrow for the best D.J. since D.J. Disco Tex and the Sex-o-Lettes…. DJ Eberle.

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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