EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ – Yesterday, yours truly was treated by a friend, let’s call him Kenny Lettow for purposes here, to the NY J-E-T-S vs “We’re Talkin’ Proud” Buffalo Bills, New York’s only NFL team. Aside from the abysmal play from both QBs that left even this neutral fan feeling frustrated, it was a fun day at the park. Here are some takeaways:
GLUTTONOUS NFL: Let’s start with the ticket prices. $250 per for our seats. “Kenny’s” family has had Gang Green [tickets] for 30 years. That means they get to get clubbed like baby seals each off-season before any new would-be season ticket holders. 
When I heard the price, it made me angry – Angry Ward kind of angry. But hey, that’s the cost of sh!tty football. BUT IT GETS WORSE… After tossing back a few (who’s counting) Bud Light’s in the parking lot (which was spectacular yesterday) we went in. That meant we had to pay NFL prices for NFL drafts. Easy, Fantasy Nerds, these were drafts you drink. Anywho, I pony up to the bar and order four $9 @BudLight drafts, as per the digital – meaning current – price menu above. When it comes time to pay, it’s $12 per. After asking the nice lady why the $3 per discrepancy, she says, “Oh, that’s for the smaller ones. They don’t give us cups for those.” My inner Larry David asked, “Ever?” She replied, “Yeah, no… We never sell the small ones.” WTF?! Gouging is one thing. Gouging and lying is another altogether. Rome fell shortly after charging the centurions too much for wine. Bing it.
SAM DARNOLD/JOSH ALLEN: As a Giants fan, this game had no stakes for me. I was neutral, as stated above. But that didn’t exempt me from feeling frustrated repeatedly watching two teams that looked as though they actually needed MORE exhibition games. The two young guns under center were abysmal. When you’re at a game, you can see and watch what you like, you’re not beholden to the truck choices made on the telly. Darnold and Allen sucked yesterday. They threw into double and triple coverage and made some choices that cried for a point-shaving investigation. Each threw the ball more than once to lanes only the opposition were in. Granted, they have talent but they looked like inexperienced young guys given the keys to the car too soon. Oh wait, they are. Why, you ask? Because the GLUTTONOUS NFL salary structure makes it impossible to carry a decent veteran QB and an heir apparent. Romulus Augustulus was warned against similar salary cap doom… And we all know how that ended.
Side Note: Off-the-ball dangerous hits to the noggin were aplenty, underscoring the farcical stance the league has on player welfare. Allen clearly took a helmet to the head on the ground, yet the flag only came out when his lineman came to flog the thug/culprit in green. That was on the play, forget the multiple infractions away from the action.
KICKER FOLLY: Ask any Jets fan how they feel about getting absolutely fleeced financially by Gang Greedy (TM for Jet’s Management) and then watching the team forgo kicking for extra points or field goals because they were too cheap to pay a kicker. Jesus H. Christmas, to have THAT as the reason for your Opening Day, feel-good event devastatingly destroyed, is mind-numbing. One section of beer sales would pay an All-Pro kicker’s salary.
THE POSITIVES: Yesterday was the equivalent of MLB’s Opening Day. The weather was spectacular, fans from both historically awful franchises were brimming with optimism, as there teams were still without a loss. Short shorts and tank tops always make things better and again, the parking lots/tailgating were top notch. And the train ride feom Penn Station was shockingly okay, even with droves of Bills fans and having to connect in Secaucus.
Speaking of connecting in Secaucus, come back tomorrow for the never gluttonous Ben Whitney, who will likey have a few choice words for Cowboys fans.
