Replacement Matt: Notes for New Mets Owner Steve Cohen and Bobby Bonilla

Replacement Matt, New Mets Owners, Steve_Cohen, Bobby_Bonilla, Meet_The_Matts

WEST BROOKLYN, NJ – Yes kids, Santa has come early this year and granted all the good little Mets boys and girls wishes… The Wilpons are selling their stake in the team to the man who will be the wealthiest owner in all sports. No more penny-pinching and dumpster-diving. No more being just good enough to say we tried but never going after the big prize or even the big fish. Those days are overwell in five years, anyway.

But I say screw that waiting five years nonsense! Its your money Steve and money talks and Dipsh!t Jeff and his tactics need to take a walk. Time to lay down the law, starting immediately. That means put your money where your mouth is and get in the game. Its not too late. Yeah, we may have lost Wheeler to a division rival because this deal didn’t get done sooner, but there’s still plenty of time and free agents are on the market.

Make your mark Steve, let’s go:

FIRST: Okay, you lost Wheeler. Copy the Phillies and do the same to another division rival; sign Strasburg and Rendon away from the the World Series champion Washington Expos. Who cares if we exceed the luxury tax, we’ve got Steve Warbucks in our corner?! Spend the money, and do it on the same day the Yankees plan on signing Garritt Cole… steal from your division rival and steal the Stankee headlines from the Steinbrenner clan. Do it now.

NEXT: Speaking of the Stanks, let’s see who can we swipe directly from them to make the statement even more dramatic. Betances? I don’t know but someone needs to get signed, and right now.

THIRDLY: Get a catcher and some bullpen pieces. Yeah, let Jeff and Fred hold the press conferences, as stipulated by the five year rule, but we all know its really Cohen pulling the strings. Puppet master Steve to rescue the puppet masters from themselves. We are on our way kids its time to celebrate.

AFTER THAT: Buy out Bobby Bonilla’s contract, even if you take a hit on it. Anything to quiet the Bobby Bonilla Day nonsense for the next 25 years. Move on from that pox. Time’s a ticking Stevie, get on it make us proud!

Replacement Matt, New Mets Owners, Steve_Cohen, Bobby_Bonilla, Meet_The_Matts

In other news

The Giants are bringing Eli Manning back for at least one more game. Maybe he can throw some picks, get sacked and get another loss. The Mara/ Tisch posse is rapidly rising to the cream of awful New York ownership. If they retain Gettleman and Shurmur they deserve to put on display in front of the American Dream Mall in a dunk tank filled with hot oil.

Make it so.

And please come back tomorrow for Short Matt & The Asbury Jukes performing their classic “Your Small Potatoes, You need to think big like me.

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About Replacement Matt 54 Articles
Replacement Matt, aka Aussie Matt & Trevor Herrick, has been the Minnie Minoso of MTM from Day One. He's willingly been hit in the undercarriage by cricket balls, had beer poured on him from the upper deck and been handed the camera to film for Tall and Short Matt on countless occasions. In many ways, he's been too valuable to start. But make no mistake, he'd be the headliner on any other bald guy's sports site!