Angry Ward Wednesday: So What Now? Vikings, Jets, NCAA, Mangenius, Lockouts?

NEW YORK, NY – Well, just like the Giants and Jets, my Minnesota Vikings‘ season is officially over. I guess I should be happy that they were still playing (and losing) meaningful games in December, while Big Blue and Gangrene were booking tee times in late September. In other news, my other Minnesota team, the Wild, have lost five in a row. This skid includes losing the Winter Classic—the coldest NHL game ever played—last Saturday to the Cam James‘ lousy BluesBaseball is still in a lockout, the SEC is once more competing among themselves for the College Football National Title, and I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about college basketball at this point. Yes, folks, we are diving headlong into the most depressing time of the year. Gotta stay engaged. I need ideas, and fast.

Post Funny Sports Photos on Instagram. As we all know, social media is a cesspool of despair. But there are a small (very small) percentage of people out there who use it to just post funny or interesting stuff. Sports and sports nostalgia seems to be an area that most people enjoy on various platforms. I’m not on Instagram, but how hard could it be to just start throwing up some weird sports photos and call it something like Retroball? For instance, here’s a photo of Hervé Villechaize hucking a ball at 1970s-era Comiskey Park.

Ice Fishing. Is there any ice fishing in New York State? I’d really like to do this. It looked great in Grumpy Old Men and at least one episode of Frasier. I think sitting in a tiny cold shack, drinking whiskey, and waiting to catch a fish is a “sport” I can definitely handle. I actually might be amazing at it. If I have to go back to Minnesota for a few days to do it, so be it.

Start Running Again? Nah. Don’t get me wrong, I still go for short runs (jogs, really) here and there, but it’s too cold and I’m too old to put in any real kind of effort. Running, like writing, is only enjoyed after it’s done. A million years ago I ran the NYC Marathon and then 10 years later ran it again. In between, I really didn’t run at all. These days my take on running is not unlike that of Val Kilmer’s Chris Knight in Real Genius who, when asked “Do you run?,” answered: “Only when chased.”

Winter Movies. This is also a good time of year to lean heavy on movies. There’s tons of new stuff to see and stream, but I like to stick with movies that match this time of year and its weather. I won’t watch Hot Dog: The Movie until I really need it. So, it’ll have to wait until February. I watched Goon last night, because why the hell not. Christmas movies are out. Christmas is over! Snow Day, is a great movie to watch with your kids. Pretty light fare with a fairly hilarious turn by Iggy Pop as the Al Martino-obsessed skating rink DJ. I’d absolutely give the old John Cusack (ski) movie Better Off Dead a look right now, but it’s not streaming anywhere. Hey Hulu! “I want my two dollars!”

Any suggestions on how to get through these next 8 weeks or so are welcome. As for today? I’m done.

Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz. Buddy’s an Eagles fan but not the guy who ate horse sh!t in the street when they won the Super Bowl… and he’ll be thrilled the Knicks beat a COVID-ravaged Indiana team last night.

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About Angry Ward 747 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.