Perfectly Improbable FREE NFL Picks & Notes

NEW YORK, NY – With Grinding Ax Walt on vacation and Cheesy Bruin retired, it’s left to yours quaking to step up and Wally Pipp them – just for today – with Perfectly Improbable FREE NFL Picks & Notes. Here we go, working backwards:

BILLS vs CHIEFS

Some think da Bills may be sauntering about with some false bravado after annihilating the Patriots of New England. I am not of that camp. Buffalo is not the kind of place that lends for false anything – other than hope for the Sabres, maybe – and nobody ever saunters up there; it’s too damn cold and/or windy. Anyway, hearkening back to that vaunted can’t-miss QB 2018 draft (I’m looking at you, Josh Rosen), I can’t forget the best assessment of those QBs. It came from Phil Simms re Josh Allen in this ballpark verbatim quote: “He throws the football in Wyoming. You ever try to throw a football there? It’s worse than Buffalo! Anyone can throw the ball in Southern California. For me, Allen is the best.” For someone that has an external hard drive named Simms, those words were impactful. These Bills are ready and able. The only QB that is arguably better than Allen in the AFC is Patrick Lavon Mahomes II, though, and this is where the tricky part of picking this comes into play. Mahomes is also a Mets fan, which really has me apoplectic. He is also playing at home and the word “home” is IN HIS NAME. Jesus H. Alou, this is hard. What does one do when two teams have great QBs, are relatively healthy and are peaking at the right time? One looks for the most overrated coach in NFL history, Andy Reid, and picks against him. Oh, and Overrated Andy fired Bills Head Coach Sean McDermott in Philly… Buffalo 24 KC 21. P.s… Wilford Brimley’s estate are suing Reid for copping his look, [allegedly] according to Chiefs-fan-gone-skiing, Cam James.

LA RAMS vs TAMPA BAY

I like Matthew Stafford in a Kurt Warner kind of way. He’s a likable guy that played in the Purgatory that is Detroit. However, I’ve traditionally enjoyed seeing the Rams lose. Then there’s this Tom Brady thing. As we get older we don’t become more mature, as some say. We become softer, mentally and physically. With that, you can start calling me a p*ssy because I find myself in the contemptible position of rooting for Brady. I know. Believe me, I know. I am despicable. So, does my contempt for all things Los Angeles and it’s vapid, soulless society outweigh the it-would-be-nice-to-see-Stafford-win platform? Ugh. This is the NFL version of Sophie’s Choice. Further complicating this pick are Tompa Bay’s banged-up offensive tackles. And really, Tristan Wirfs sounds like a character out of a Laurence Sterne novel… or some kind lice one gets while hiking. Damn the torpedoes, I’ll go against Big Ben Whitney and go with the Bucs at home in another nail-biter. Tampa 31 LA 26

NOTES FROM YESTERDAY

Get me Rodgers!

Aaron Rodgers played his last game for the Packers. He’ll likely end up with a red state team if pandemic protocols are still hounding us. If not, maybe he ends up in San Fran, replacing the guy that beat him yesterday? I think Green Bay should go all in on A-Rodge for one more shot, though.

Tip Your Cap… to the Freeze-co Kids. With their whiz-kid coach straight from MTV’s Ridiculousness, they won a battle with the Pack and the cold.

Joe Burrow vs Josh Allen would be great for two snake-bitten fan bases in cities that could use a little love. Just sayin’… On the flip side, how bummed would either of those fan bases be after their team lost to the other godforsaken place? FYI, I picked Cincy on SuperBru.

Feel free to comment below and come back tomorrow for a man that will make sense of it all, Junoir Blaber.

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About Matt McCarthy 292 Articles
Matt McCarthy, is the MTM founder and consequently wears many hats: Director, Editor, Writer, Web guy and Podcaster... Also known as Short Matt, he's also a two-bit actor, voice-over pro, rugby, baseball and ice hockey player and likes hazelnut coffee with rice milk, while strolling in the sand, listening to foreign films... Matt also moonlights on MTM spin-off, RugbyWrapUp.com, often wearing a wig and glasses while butchering a Kiwi accent.