Angry Ward Wednesday: Rodman Goes to Russia, deGrom Gets deBumped, and Yawn-tastic NFL News

NEW YORK, NY – We’re into the true dog days of summer, my friends. Everyone, and I mean everyone (but me), is taking their last gasp vacations before reality crashes back in with a Hans Gruber-off-of-Nakatomi-Plaza-like thud. In sports, baseball teams that aren’t named the Dodgers or Astros are trying to hold their leads or jockeying for playoff positions. The NFL is gearing up for the upcoming season by participating in that time-honored tradition of playing games featuring players that you’ll never see again. And, in NBA news, Kevin Durant is staying with the Brooklyn Nets, so they’re a shoo-in to win a title next year. I’m sure there’s no hard feelings about the attempted coup. Ha! But, hey, let’s dig a little deeper and see what else we can talk about.

The Red Menace. So, it appears that the international basketballistic missile known as Dennis Rodman has taken it upon himself to travel to Russia to negotiate Brittney Griner’s release. What could possibly go wrong? I suppose, as far as diplomats go, Rodman is a step up from Michael Flynn or Paul Manafort, but can Agent Worm possibly bumble his way to success in Clouseau-like fashion? Um… no. More likely, we’ll get something closer to this hilarious American Voices response from The Onion.

Mets vs. Yanks. As I’ve mentioned many times before, I really stopped caring about this stupid series years ago. I’m the old crank who wants to ban interleague play and bring back The Mayor’s Trophy Game. Pretty sure the Yankees and Mets used to play that one mostly drunk. Anyway, I’m writing this prior to Tuesday night’s game (Yanks won 4-2 again) and a Yankee-fan friend just texted a bit upset that deGrom wasn’t pitching for the Mets. To me, that’s just a solid business decision. You don’t let the Yankees reap the benefits of the extra attendance and hoopla a deGrom start in the Bronx would bring. You save him instead for a Thursday night home game in Flushing against the Rockies, where he’ll put extra a$$es in the seats for what would otherwise probably be a lightly-attended matchup.

Big Rugby Goings-On! Just kidding. Made you look.

NFL Newswire Dregs. As mentioned earlier, this time of year for the NFL is for wrapping your stars in bubble wrap until the season-opener and inviting Steelers and Jaguars fans to throw haymakers at one another at an exhibition game only rightful violent morons would attend. Otherwise we got “headlines” like: HOW BAKER MAYFIELD WON CAROLINA’S STARTING QB JOB and VIKINGS TRADE FOR QB NICK MULLENS. As for the former—*Spoiler Alert!*—he won it by NOT being Sam Darnold. If you can’t outplay Sam Darnold, you probably should be thinking about trying another line of work… just like Sam Darnold. And for the latter, the Vikings QB depth chart—from top to bottom—reads like a who’s who of who sucks. So, Minnesota trading for anyone who can remotely be identified as a quarterback is okay by me. They can go ahead and cut all those future house painters they have now. God, it’s gonna be a long season.

That’s all for today. Come on back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, who knows all the words to “Fly, Eagles Fly” and Donna Summer’s “Last Dance.”

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About Angry Ward 742 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.