Angry Ward Wednesday: Bad Football Across the Pond, Worse Football in Miami, and Baseball Anxiety Aplenty

BRONX, NY – As Hurricane Ian barrels towards Florida, I’d like to start today by sending all good thoughts to my brother, my in-laws, and other friends and acquaintances battening down the hatches in the Sunshine State. As for that state’s governor, the orange idiot, and other assorted red baseball cap wearing, boat-parading morons, you a$$holes are on your own. If you get wiped off the map, so be it. I shan’t shed a tear. Anyway, let’s get going with some sports talk.

Football in London. It’s that time of year again, when the NFL starts slipping its product into the pint glasses of Londoners. I’m not sure what they did to deserve this. Wasn’t it enough when we nicknamed our rapiest quarterback after their giant clock? Anyway, this coming Sunday the UK will be treated to the Saints vs. my Minnesota Vikings or, as I’m calling it, Jameis and Kirk’s Bogus Buckingham Boondoggle. With these two at the helm, Brits can enjoy a heaping helping of turnovers to go with their popovers. I’m just glad the Queen isn’t alive to see this.

University of Miami Football. Getting back to Florida for a sec, I know these three brothers down there who once declared that U of M football was “a way of life,” which I found hilarious. Never mind that none of these three went to school there, or even live in Miami, it matters not. So, with each passing college football season, I take great delight in following “The U” and dunking on these guys whenever their beloved team inevitably lives up to their Hurricane nickname and blows it. Losing this past Saturday at home to Middle Tennessee State may have been their crowning achievement. The Middle Tennessee State Blue Raiders doesn’t even sound real. Are we sure this school wasn’t used as a fictional opponent in the Adam Sandler classic, The Waterboy? Whatever the case, good going for whatever geniuses had Miami ranked in the Top 20 a couple of weeks back.

Baseball. As I’m writing this, Miami (again with Florida???) has one run on the board and the bases loaded against Cookie Carrasco and the Mets in the 1st (Amazins lost), Baltimore is beating Boston (with my Mariners doing everything to choke and let the O’s grab the final WC spot), and the Aaron Judge watch continues as he’s 0-1 early in the Yanks/Jays tilt. I don’t know how much more of the end of this baseball season I can take. I think I need to be put in suspended animation until the post season starts. A good start may be to stop writing about it. Like, right now. And... done.

I feel better already. Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, who only has the Knicks (and this gig) to keep him humble these days.

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About Angry Ward 747 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.