Angry Ward Wednesday: Yanks Need Juan Soto, Jets Sign a QB and Cut a QB, and Other Sports Stupidity

NEW YORK, NY – It’s the most wonderful time of the week, during the most wonderful time of the year, and we’re all so lucky just to be here sharing some cheer (and vitriol) at the Internet’s last-chance saloon. Pull up a stool while I open up the electronic paper, peruse the sports section, and check out some headlines.

Yankees Can’t Afford to Pass on a Juan Soto Deal. I enthusiastically agree! The Yankees should definitely give up pitching to get another power hitter in the lineup and potentially sign him, after the season is over, to like a 10-year $500 million contract. It’s been way too long since the Yankees brought in a big-name outfielder from San Diego. You remember Dave “Mr. May” Winfield, right? But, seriously, Soto is only 25, only gonna cost around $33 million this year, and only struck out 129 times last year. The Yankees need not worry about all three of those numbers trending upwards. C’mon, Cashman, get on the phone.

Report: Jets to Sign QB Brett Rypien, Waive Tim Boyle. Not exactly clickbait, is it? This is the kind of story that sends middle-aged procrastinators back to raking leaves, cleaning out gutters, and day drinking. If there were such an animal as a Jets fan George Bailey—there ain’t—he’d be crashing his car right about now and looking for the nearest bridge. Sadly, only 5 more weeks left of Gang Green’s 2023 blooper reel. Catch it while there are still many, many, many seats available.

Shohei Ohtani to Blue Jays? Since I saw this headline on SI.com I can only assume it was created via AI hallucination. In case you haven’t heard, there’s been plenty of speculation about Sports Illustrated “employing” AI to create articles, as well as fictitious writers. Raises the question: What’s taking them so long to do that here at MTM? Just kidding. The closest Management has ever come to AI is when they said: AI can’t afford to pay you. As for Ohtani in Toronto? I just can’t see it.

New England vs. Pittsburgh. I know you’ve all been marking your calendars for this week’s epic clash on Thursday Night Football between the Patriots and the Steelers. When we last checked in with these two juggernauts, New England was getting shut out 6-0 at the hands of the hapless Chargers and the Steelers were getting their heads kicked in at home by the equally horrible Cardinals. I mean, what’s the over/under number for this game, 12? I’ll take the under… whatever it is. I suppose Vegas has to offer up some sort of number or Jeff Bezos will get mad and hold up everyone’s Christmas deliveries. Whatever the case, TNF continues to be NFG.

Okay then, let’s tie a bow on this Wednesday. Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, who I believe is MTM arbitration-eligible in 2024.

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About Angry Ward 755 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.