Angry Ward Wednesday: Light-Hitting Lindor, Sports ILL-Frustrated, and Five Things for Spring

Spyridon Louis, Charles Barkley & Bill Murray: All could get Francisco Lindor out.

NEW YORK, NY – Today is April 10th. Did you know on this date, back in 1896, Greek distance runner Spyridon Louis won the first Olympic Marathon? Well, you sure do now. You’re welcome! These are the types of obscure factoids that keep people flocking back to this site day after day after day. But, what say we fast-forward a sh!t ton of years and see if there’s something a tad more current to talk about?

Lindor Lament. The Mets put up 8 runs against the Braves Monday night, which is like 5 games worth of runs for the Mets, and Francisco Lindor was 0-4. As mentioned a few times already in this space, he’s off to yet another awful start, hittting .075 through the first 10 games. At this point I think it’s safe to say that Jamiroquai has more hits than Lindor. I promise to write something good about him once he gets going but, for now, I’m done talking about him.

Has SI Gone Totally A.I.? Sports Illustrated’s financial problems, firings, and accusations of using A.I.-generated writing in place of the real thing have been well-documented, but it really does seem that their website is now maybe not even trying to hide the fact that their content is being spit out by some algorithm. Here’s a rundown of just a few of their similarly-styled news headlines from yesterday.

Bill Murray Had So Much Fun Celebrating His Son’s National Title With UConn

Stephen A. Smith Broke Down Why He Thinks UConn is the ‘Michael Jordan’ of College Basketball

Juan Soto Had Such a Cool Moment With Yankees Fan During a Marlins Player’s At-Bat

Charles Barkley Disses ‘Losers’ Who Watched Solar Eclipse

They were ALL like this. Weird, name-dropping clickbait (?). At least I guess that’s the intent. I’d like to offer them one more, if I may: Angry Ward Sad to See Sports Illustrated Now Sucks.

NFL Draft. The NFL Draft is only a couple of weeks away and I’m told there will be some quarterbacks drafted, some of them pretty high. That’s my entire mock draft capsule for you. Again, you’re welcome. I will say I am wondering what the Bills are going to do at wide receiver now that Stefon Diggs has been shipped off to Houston and Gabe Davis has left via free agency. If I were Buffalo, I’d be calling Philly to ask about AJ Brown. He brings some of the same diva-like episodes that Diggs sure loved, but he’s younger and really good and at times it has seemed like he’s ready to get out of Philadelphia.

Five Favorite Non-Sports Things to Do in Early Spring. Since Ben Whitney brought this up yesterday, I’m taking the bait. Here are five springtime faves in no specific order.

Sleep. It’s free, it’s glorious, and it’s good practice for when you’re dead. So go ahead and nap, doze, snooze, snore, drool, dream, and slumber.

Have Breakfast at a Diner. Sure, you can make your own breakfast, but it’s way better having someone who knows what they’re doing, make it for you. Also, you don’t need to do any dishes.

Watch Let it Ride. While I don’t get out to the track much anymore, I do like to watch this horse racing comedy around this time of year. It’s based on a book by Jay Cronley, whose books also inspired the pretty-decent Chevy Chase fish-out-water comedy Funny Farm, and the hilarious and often-overlooked Bill Murray flick, Quick Change.

See a Friend You Haven’t Seen in a While. Always a good thing to do and almost always is a win-win for both parties. This doesn’t mean, however, that I’ll be making plans with Short Matt anytime soon.

Go See Some Live Music. I don’t have to explain this… just go.

And, now it’s time for me to go. Come back tomorrow for everyone’s best buddy, Mr. Buddy Diaz.

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About Angry Ward 748 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.