Yoenis “Wild Boars” Cespedes, Whitney Mercilus, Richard Sherman, J.J. Watt

0 Comments

NEW YORK, NY  -It’s dreary Saturday here in the Big Apple and yours truly is drearily hungover after being over-served at a business “lunch,” followed by a quick trip to Birdland and then to *PBR Night at The Garden. But we’ve got work to do here, people, so let’s get to today’s topics: Yoeniss “Wild Boars” Cespedes, Whitney Mercilus, Richard Sherman:

CAN’T MAKE THIS UP DEPARTMENT:

We’ve heard about players hurting themselves cutting hedges. We’ve heard about players hurting themselves playing pick-up basketball. We’ve heard about players hurting themselves lifting kids at home, shoveling the driveway and falling down stairs. There have been tragic boating accidents and car accidents. We’ve heard of players getting hurt in brawls and even getting shot. We have never heard, however, about a player – or anyone for that matter – getting hurt dodging wild boars. Until now. Leave it up to the New York Mets to come with an Amazin‘ tale of their country rancher and perpetually injured bird-brain of a stud outfielder, Yoenis Cespedes. Seems Cespy should get an ESPY for his award-worthy ability to outshine all other athletes for an off-the-field injury, which ironically happened… in a field. If you haven’t figured this out or heard it yet, Yoenis traps wild boars to keep them from attacking people on his ranch. And guess what? He [allegedly] released a trapped boar and it attacked him. Wait, wasn’t that the very thing you were trying to avoid, Senor Cespedes? Anywho, an either frightened or completely dopey Cespedes dodged the boar [again allegedly] and stepped in a hole. That’s how he fractured his ankle while coming off double heel surgery. This leads one to wonder if he hurt his heels on the playing field or whether his spurs got caught lassoing gators.

Yoenis_Cespedes, Mets, JJ Watt, Whitney Mercilus, Richard Sherman, Matt_McCarthy, Meet_The_Matts, NFL Playoffs, Texans

Yoenis Cespedes: Never Boaring.

HAPPIEST MAN IN THE NFL:

The return of Justin James Watt to the lineup for the Houston Texans playoff game vs the Buffalo Bills has many people smiling. JJ is as entertaining a player to watch wreak havoc on the gridiron as any out there and he happens to be a good guy. But there is nobody on this planet that is happier to see him back than Whitney Mercilus, the other stud pass rusher for the Oilers Texans. Opposing offenses have been merciless with Mercilus, quadruple-teaming him to neutralize him. A healthy Watt, or something close to even 80%, will allow Mercilus to chase Josh Allen into a frenzy. Maybe Allen won’t see ghosts, like Sam Darnold, but he will be spooked by the wild boar-like Whitney and returning JJ.

MR. STANFORD SMARTY PANTS:

Coming off two Achilles heel surgeries (What’s with all the heels today?) and not having a contract, the splendid Richard Sherman found himself without a lot of options. The Stanford grad in no dumdum/Cespedes, however, and negotiates his own deals, as he chooses not to have an agent. So coming off injury, he shopped himself around but didn’t get very far. His first visit was his last, as he signed a 1-year deal at 8 million, with incentives. He got killed for that deal but is smiling now. And not being shy about: “No agent fees for me. Get to keep the money that I earned,” Sherms tweeted Friday. Good for him. Glad to see Sherman didn’t tank.

And with that, we’re off like a prom dress. Please feel free to comment below and come back tomorrow for Cheesy Bruin, who should not be confused Buffalo’s Best, Junoir Blaber, who’ll be leading the Bills Mafia parade down Niagara Falls Boulevard.

*Almost forgot… PBR stands for Professional Bull Riding. THAT was an experience. Check it out if you can.

Facebook Comments
Share Button

Filed in: FeaturedMatt McCarthy
Tagged with:

About the Author ()

Matt McCarthy, is the MTM founder and consequently wears many hats: Director, Editor, Writer, Web guy and Podcaster... Also known as Short Matt, he's also a two-bit actor, voice-over pro, rugby, baseball and ice hockey player and likes hazelnut coffee with rice milk, while strolling in the sand, listening to foreign films... Matt also moonlights on MTM spin-off, RugbyWrapUp.com, often wearing a wig and glasses while butchering a Kiwi accent.

Back to Top