by Junior Blaber

HEIGHTS OF THE NORTH CROWN, SOVEREIGN REPUBLIC OF BROOKLYN: The people that really only know how to write about the money men that own sports franchises, had the nerve (Why wouldn’t they?) to do a sports article. This is what they came up with:

1. Seattle
2. Atlanta
3. Phoenix
4. Buffalo
5. San Diego
6. Cleveland (King James to NYC?)
7. Washington, DC
8. Kansas City
9. Minneapolis-St.Paul
10. Houston


Hey, Steve… No offense but you and your boys need to stick to counting money bags and leave the sports to those of us that really know the truth. So, here is my return volley; 10 MOST MISERABLE SPORTS CITIES ACCORDING TO JUNIOR:

1. Cleveland (Hello, LeBron!)
2. Buffalo
3. Salt Lake City
4. Minneapolis-St.Paul
5. Houston
6. Washington, DC
7. Kansas City
8. Seattle
9. Phoenix
10. San Diego

Now, I have to justify why to you guys right? So, here it goes:

#1 Cleveland: They have had teams that were best in their conference/division but they always find ways to lose the semi-final or the final. The Cavs this year are no different than the great run the Indians had and the Browns before that. Remember the Browns left and were re-created only to still suck. Their teams are often regular season champions but this ain’t soccer, this is the USA and we have playoffs. Unfortunately the Cleveland teams forget that.

#2 Buffalo: They got two pro teams and they know how to choke and hurt their fans. The Bills did it 4 times and the Sabres were unstoppable behind Dominik Hašek until the final. It is better to lose early than to be close enough to dream and then have it ripped from you

#3 Salt Lake City: They only have one team. The Jazz, who they stole from New Orleans. I mean what is a team in Mormon country doing being called the Jazz. At last count they only have 5 jazz clubs in the city. Further more because they are all about character and winning is second, they get guys like Greg Ostertag and Paul Milsap. “Who!!” says the owl.

#4 Minneapolis-St. Paul: They lost the Lakers to LA, they lost Angry Ward’s NorthStars to Dallas. Both teams that left have won away from Minny. The Vikings find ways to lose Conference finals, close game at that, the few times they get there, when they are not sucking. The only joy they have are the Twins but they haven’t won in ages because they don’t have the money. They are like jgclancy’s Oakland A’s North.

#5 Houston: They lost the Oilers but got another team in the Texans, who have yet to show they are worth a bale of hay. The Asteroids of the late ’90s and early ’00s continued to fall shot. The Rockets did win two titles but that was in the mid ’90s with MJ on vacation. Before and after those two titles there was nothing. 3 teams over 40 years or so and 2 titles is poor. Especially when it was two in one sport.

    Please don’t tell Mr. Cushing what I said.

#6 Washington, DC: They were given a MLB baseball team (or an impression of one), unfortunately it was the Expos. Apparently the sucking was allowed to clear customs. They have a talented hockey team in Capitals but they crack under pressure to easily. The Skins haven’t been good in 20 years. They tried to bring Joe Gibbs back and they still couldn’t get to the Super Bowl. The Basketball team was so bad the players are trying to kill themselves to stop from having to continue playing.

#7 Kansas City: The Royals are an insult to jokes and baseball in general. The Chiefs are not chiefs but tribe members. They are making their fans lead their own trail of tears.

#8 Seattle: Mariners were good with A-Rod, Griffey Jr. and Johnson, but still no titles. The Seahawks had Bozworth, HA!, and a Super bowl final, only to disappear again. No Hockey, no basketball. To me Seattle is not die-hard enough of a sports town to be that much of a long suffering city. I mean this is the home of Starbucks and Microsoft. So they have other things to concern themselves with. Their basketball team did leave town though and they have the most notorious basketball collapse in basketball history.

#9 Phoenix: The Cards were the biggest joke in football until 4 years ago and they still have no Trophy. The Coyotes never belonged in Phoenix and are leaving the US for Canada. Yes, leaving the US for Canada!!! The Diamondbacks sold their soul for a World Series ring and have yet to be heard from again. Apparently selling the future for a chance now is not a good long-term plan.

#10 San Diego: The padres haven’t been winners since the 80s. The Chargers are great also-rans and chokers ’80s, ’90s, ’00s. I think it must be in the Charger motto to choke under pressure.

You will notice that my last three are decent weather cities. Seattle gets rain but is not as bitterly cold as Buffalo. that is a key part of the suffering. When you have great weather and your team sucks it is not that bad but bad weather and your team sucks makes you want to jump of a cliff. Good weather city sports fan feel sad but then go to the beach or pool and look around and this what you see.


Rex O’Rourke, tomorrow.

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About Junoir Blaber 551 Articles
Junoir Blaber is from Ghana but was transplanted to the Bronx as a young lion chaser. Blaber is the Sports Rain Man, and is a featured contributor on MTM's global partner, Rugby Wrap Up. The name "Junoir" [June-noire] is his cool African name. (Or is that a possible prevarication?) He is Manute Bol's [alleged] nephew and his teams are the Mets, Jets, Knicks & NY Rangers... oh, and Manchester United. Yes, he knows soccer. [Vomit sounds]. P.s... He has webbed toes and can be followed on Twitter here: @JunoirBlaber