ANGRY WARD WEDNESDAY: THIS MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR YOUNGER AUDIENCES; PARENTAL DISCRETION ADVISED

LOS ANGELES, CA – It’s official, Major League Baseball has hit rock bottom. In an effort to “explore new revenue streams” Bud Selig and those oh-so-greedy owners have partnered up with the pornography purveyors of the San Fernando Valley to create adult entertainment with a baseball bent. Their first foray into this field of filth is a movie called EIGHT MEN IN. Without getting too much into the disgusting details, the film’s flimsy plot involves the desperate (and horny) wife of a struggling major league pitcher and the scandal she causes when she convinces eight opposing players to strike out against her husband in return for hitting a home run with her. Perhaps the worst thing about this whole sordid agreement between MLB and the adult film industry is that real baseball personalities have a agreed to participate. Here’s a list of the principals involved.

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Anna Benson stars as Anna Bendsome

The insatiable pitcher’s wife who will do anything (or anyone) to help her husband’s career. Co-starring…

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John Sterling & Suzyn Waldman as…
Johnny Silvertongue & Sue Wallow

… the two worst broadcasters money could bribe.

And introducing the Eight Men In

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Dick Pole… and Homer Bush

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Rusty Kuntz… and Ted Sizemore

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Terrence Long… and Pete LaCock

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Albert Pujols as The Machine and… Pee Wee Reese as Pee Wee

So there you have it. Absolutely disgusting isn’t it? We here at MeetTheMatts.com want you to know that we in no way condone this appalling alliance, nor do we plan on seeing either of the other two movies – Bang the Ump Slowly and Field of Wet Dreams – slated to be released this summer. Now if you’ll excuse us, we need to take a shower… alone! Be on the lookout for the far classier
Dr. Diz, tomorrow.

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About Angry Ward 560 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.