Angry Ward Wednesday: Collins, QBs, Cops, Knicks, Movies

terry colllins mug shotBRONX, NY – You ever have one of those stretches where it seems like nothing goes right? Just one exploding stove and high gruesome after another? Y’know, like Terry Collins? Well I’m in the midst of one, but who the eff cares? The last thing you people need to hear is a bunch of b*tching and moaning from some C.H.U.D. scribe toiling in obscurity on what we all agree will be the last website standing… sports or otherwise. (Yes, MTM will even outlast internet porn.) Anyway, let’s try to keep it positive today (I swear I’ll try). Here we go.

Two more years? Meh, I think we can get it done.
Two more years? Meh, I think we can get it done.

Two More Years of Terry Collins! Hey, he took the Mets to the World Series! OK, the best young starting pitching staff in the bigs, Curtis Granderson, and a couple of hitters who got white-hot at the right time took the Mets to the Series… but still. The brand-spanking new contract should be announced today! First Phil Collins announces he’s coming out of retirement and now Terry Collins gets a two-year extension? Let’s just hope this means that a Joan Collins comeback is on the horizon.

Namath sucked too.
Namath sucked too.

Can You Fly the Jets without a Pilot? Does it really matter that the New Your Jets currently seem to be without a starting quarterback? Of course not! Quarterback? Jets don’t need no stinkin’ quarterback. If anything this team would function much better as a post-apocalyptic “we lost our QB in an oil rig fire” kinda team. QB is what’s been holding the Jets back… forever. Embrace this handicap, Jets fans. Sign a whole bunch of different kinds of kickers and embrace it.

The Passing of Murray the Cop. I just need to say one more thing about the recent passing of sitcom character actor Al Molinaro. You always know the good ones by how many scenes they absolutely steal, and Al was one of the best. He could bring down the house simply by pushing open Oscar and Felix’s peep hole with his schnoz. It got me to thinking, who’s the greatest living sitcom star/character left? For my money it’s Danny DeVito’s Louie DePalma. Who you got? *Please not that this a blatant attempt to keep the comments thread going today.*

"Oscar's sick. He's my friend. And I'm a policeman."
“Oscar’s sick. He’s my friend. And I’m a policeman.”

Basketball is Back! And I couldn’t care less. Mat Warriors are laying teams to waste and I’m still more interested in Carmelo Anthony falling on Knicks rookie teammate Kristaps Porzingis, who has looked okay so far. Carmelo is like one of those Final Destination movies, he’s gonna get you somehow.

Cue the Holiday Movies! It’s November, so holiday movies are going to be in full swing. Thanksgiving you just gotta watch Planes, Train, & Automobiles around a 100 times, not to mention Trading Places. After that, it’s a Christmas free-for-all. Too many to mention. Even if Christmas (“Yule, as in log. Not that I have a log.”) ain’t your thing, you still have solid dark choices like The Ref, Bad Santa, and The Ice Harvest. If ya haven’t already seen em, check em out!

Eh, I’m done. I need a six pack of Eb’s Hot Takes just to get me through the rest of the week. Come back tomorrow for Walter “Grinding Ax” Hynes and just be happy you didn’t do this.

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About Angry Ward 671 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.