No More Brady Talk! Goodell v Conrad Dobler, Isles and Mets Own NYC

conrad_dobler Meet_The_Matts
Dobler would have gotten Goodell

JAMAICA ESTATES, NY – I fear that the airwaves and water cooler conversations over the next 5 months will be engorged with nothing but Deflategate; the Roger Goodell versus Tom Brady nonsense. Most of the time I agree that anything is better than a sharp stick in the eye. Not in this case. Go ahead and “Conrad Dobler” me, if it means avoiding more talk of this garbage.

Once again, Goodell is completely out of touch with the NFL’s fan base. That is-other than Jet fans, who somehow feel as though their fortunes were wrecked by Brady playing with his balls. I take the liberty of speaking on behalf of all sports fans who think just like I do. And I have to say that neither of us wants to hear another peep about this crap. Who cares? He deflated footballs. BFD! He’s still the best QB of all time. He still would have won that last Super Bowl. I boil this BS down to this. Greg Hardy, who was CONVICTED of doing horrific, violent things to a woman; sat for 2 games last season. 2 games! But Brady gets 4 games for deflating footballs? Move on!

You want some other things about which nobody gives a rat’s tail? Thanks for asking.


The first three rounds of the NBA playoffs. Sure there are occasionally some entertaining games and some great individual performances (Draymond Green, Damon Lillard, Kemba Walker, Paul Milsap) But the arrogance and shortsightedness of the NBA gives us 2 months of playoff hoops before the games get important. Steph Curry tweaked his knee last weekend so he’ll be out for 2-3 weeks. No problem, he’ll miss only one unnecessarily long series while he’s out.

The first 3 rounds of the NHL playoffs. Yes, I know the staff here at gets all giggly when the Rangers are involved. But guess what? They’re not anymore. Oh, the Islanders, you say? I say nothing. They’re about to take a major step up in class, as the Tampa Bay Lightning come calling. Zero Canadian teams in the playoffs but two from Florida? Next!

Fishsticks No More!
Fishsticks No More!

The NFL draft begins with its 1st round this Thursday evening. Does anybody go outdoors anymore? We have an obesity epidemic in this country, a higher mortality rate than similarly wealthy, “developed” countries around the world and rampant drug abuse among teens. You know why? Because there are about 27 channels running mock drafts now and for the past 3 months. Get out of Mom’s basement. Make your own damn grilled cheese. Go for a bike ride, go on a date, see a ballgame… live. Stop with this draft garbage! It means nothing. Do like we did in the 1970s: pick up the Long Island Press and check to see whom your favorite team chose in the 1st round. Then run around the block a few times.

The New York Yankees. I make this pronouncement annually. New York is a Mets town. The Yankees are the Brooklyn Nets, the Jacksonville Jaguars, if you will, of MLB now. Boring, overbearing. They’re unwatchable. They are like black and white re-runs on TV Land. They’re bad. And they’re playing in a city now owned by the Mets.

“Do any of these critics have 11 rings?” With arrogance not seen in these parts in many years, Knicks President Phil Jackson continues to insist those rings had everything to do with his peach basket, Klan-era Indiana Triangle system. Not hall of fame laden rosters. Sure, Phil. Go back to Jeannie!

Feel free to fret, whine, complain or exclaim below, check us out on social media like Twitter: @AldersonFake & @MeetTheMatts, and come back tomorrow for The Artist Formerly Known As Angry Ward.

Share Button
About Fake Sandy Alderson 175 Articles
Big Al Sternberg/Fake Sandy Alderson is from a not-so-nice part of Queens. But through grit and elbow-grease finds himself living on Long Island with his bride and twin 12-year-old sons. He is a sports encyclopedia... and a loose cannon. In fact, Michael Baron of blocked him on Twitter. You can find The Blocked One's Tweets here: @AldersonFake