BRONX, NY – Writing this on Tuesday night and I’m sure management is pissed about that. Tough darts, Matts. Anyway, the big news today was that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are getting a divorce and people are falling all over themselves on social media to put in their two cents. Never mind that people are detonating bombs in New York or that an angry Jack-o-lantern might be our next president, let’s marshal all of our energy and resources in dissecting the downfall of the couple the press cheekily called Brangelina. To be honest, I have no feelings about this parting one way or another. They have 6 kids, which would be tough for a normal couple. But between all of their personal assistants and managers and other assorted hangers on, I’m sure they’ll have the kid care covered. Instead I prefer to focus on some Sports Divorces I’d love to see happen. Here goes.
Wilperson. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’ve kinda had my fill of the Mets’ menage-a-weird between Fred and Jeff Wilpon and Sandy Alderson. The team got to the Series last year but I’m not buying this trio as accomplishing anything positive moving forward. They maybe do have a future hiring medical professionals best-suited for assisted suicide solutions.
Rexalo. The only thing Rex Ryan is really accomplishing in Buffalo is keeping he and his brother in a cool climate and their pit stains at a minimum. Now that he’s lost his lap-band in solidarity with brother Rob, Western New York might also see a spike in hot wing sales. Otherwise, hasn’t Buffalo suffered enough? Send Rex packing and give him supervised visits every other weekend with the kicker and punter… he has a thing for feet.
Yasmad. Yasiel Puig and Madison Bumgarner can’t fool me. Only a true power couple can hate each other as much as these two. It’s not working, boys. Your respective teams are mortal enemies. Give it up, until such time as you can both play out your golden years in some ungodly place like Arizona.
Zenmelo. Does anyone think the Phil Jackson/Carmelo Anthony union is going to work. Just read that mash-up of their names again; it sounds like an ill-advised 1970s candy bar. To be honest, I threw this one in here to get a rise out rabid Knicks rooter, Dude who, by all accounts has a great marriage. Maybe he can shed some light on why he things Triangle Boy and Melo Tony might work.
Foxler. Anyone catch the Chicago Bears‘ “effort” at home vs. Philly the other night? The combo of John Fox and Jay Cutler is well on it’s way to making the Windy City faithful yearn for the days of Red Grange and leather helmets. Bears fans haven’t cried this much since Brian’s Song.
Sterlisue. For the love of God, can someone please grant the Metropolitan airwaves a divorce for Yankee radio yakkers John Sterling and Suzyn Waldman? Enough already. Think of the children! We can’t have another generation ruined by these myopic magpies.
Okay, that’s all for this Wednesday. Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, who Short Matt constantly serenades with Al Green’s “Let’s Stay Together.”