FLUSHING, NY – Such is the current (okay, constant) State of the NY Mets, that even after a hope-filled Steven Matz win, this died-dyed-in-the-wool fan can even ponder such baseball blasphemy, but… What If George Steinbrenner Owned The Mets?
#1: David Wright would be on the books somewhere else, as his Groundhog Day comeback continues. Perhaps it would have been in Washington, where a then-productive Wright was traded in his Barry Madoff walk-year… for a young prospect named Bryce Harper. While that might be a reach even too grand for the us here in Mattville, we know with complete clarity and certainty that he WOULD NOT BE THE METS CAPTAIN right now.
#2: Terry Collins and Mickey Callaway would only have been fans attending a Mets game. Indeed, if they worked in the organization in some capacity, it would have been in Binghamton with the Rumble Ponies… or St. Lucie or Vegas. Not in NYC. In fact, George would likely have made Wally Backman his modern day version of Billy Martin, and fired him a couple/four times; the last of course in a Schaefer Beer commercial. And you know what? Us fans would have eaten every entertaining/choreographed minute of it.
#3: Free Agents with star power, like Reggie Jackson, Roger Clemens, Randy Johnson, David Cone, David Wells, Giancarlo Stanton and Dave Winfield would have been in orange and blue. The likes of Jay Bruce, Todd Frazier, Jason Vargas, Jose Reyes, Adrian Gonzalez and Jose Bautista would NOT be brought in to play prominent roles, all in the name of saving a [John] Buck.
#4: Pepper Grinders & Umpire Bashing would be banned from the squad. You hear that, Todd “Little-Stick” Frazier? You and your douche chill-inducing pantomine suck almost as bad as hearing you whine about strikes. Nobody wanted you but Sandy Alderson. In fact, The Boss‘ boy Brian Cashman, let you go despite not really having an answer at 3rd base… or so we thought.
#5: George Costanza would have worked for the Mets. THAT, says it all.
Forgive this baseball blasphemy and come back tomorrow for our George Costanza, Junoir Blaber.
