NEW YORK, NY – For those of you just stirring from a coma or hiding in a fallout shelter, there was a Big Apple blackout last night. And boy did things get a little crazy. Many were doing their best Snake Plissken impersonation, as traffic signals made any Escape From New York simultaneously necessary, yet impossible. But more important than the many lives in jeopardy simply because of the chaos of darkness worthy of The Purge, Blockbuster Blackout MLB Trades were happening at Major League Baseball HQ.
Gleyber for Thor: Whoa! A straight-up, cross-town trade between the Yankees and Mets involving big names? Never saw that happening in this lifetime. On paper, it’s a budding star as a position player getting traded for a marquee pitcher with ace potential – if he can keep his body healthy and mind focused. We know Noah Syndergaard will miss hitting in the DH-cursed beer league that is the American League. Brodie bests Brian in this one.
Verlander To Sawx: Sure, Justin Verlander has many miles on his tires but he brings a gunslinger mentality, World Series-winning experience and a competitive fire that rivals a juiced-up Roger ” Roids Rockett” Clemens, without the PEDs or d!ck personality. The Red Sox gave up two blue-chip prospects, including a guy dubbed the next Freddy Freeman. The Bosox gave up a lot but will have Kate Upton sitting atop the Green Monster.
Bumgarner to Brewers: This deal, with “players to named later” coming from Milwaukee, gives Bernie The Brewer a Paul Bunyan type to play with in Madison Bumgarner. And Brewers fans will love this guy. The love will not go unrequited, as the Brew Crew supplies access to all the beer one can drink and can score more runs in an inning than the San Fransisco Giants can in a week.
Comment Below and come back tomorrow for our Snake Plissken, Cheesy Bruin.
P.s… Of course, the aforementioned trades did not take place, as per the fax machine at MLB HQ in NYC being down during the blackout. Stay tuned.