Angry Ward Wednesday: Giannis, Jets, Mets and other Snow Business

Steve Cohen, Giannis Antetokounmpo, Milwaukee Bucks, Adam Gase, Bill de Blasio, , Meet_The_Matts Angry Ward Calhoun, MLB, Mets

BRONX, NY – It appears that we have a good old fashioned snow storm bearing down on us here in NYC. After the lamest of winters in the Northeast last year, I welcome it. The day I start hating snow is the day I keep walking east until my hat floats. If you’re a football fan, you know that any game played in the snow is almost always awesome. And now that break dancing has been announced as an upcoming Summer Olympics event (*Note: Tryouts for the Angry Ward & the Malcontinentals  breakin’ crew start this Spring), I think they should consider some outside-the-box snow events for future Winter Olympics like Skitching, Iceball Fight Biathlon, Ski Jump Snowball Skeet, and, of course, Chinese Downhill. But, I digress… kinda. Here’s some wintry sports terminology to prepare you for the white stuff.

Snow Bank. Milwaukee can get pretty frosty, but Giannis Antetokounmpo just made some serious cold hard cash by signing a 5-year $228 million extension with the appropriately-named Bucks. Good for him.

Plow. The New York Jets have been getting plowed all season long. Good luck avoiding the same fate in sunny California versus the Rams, Gang Grinch. Adam Gase’s brain is two sizes too small.

Rock Salt. I need to load up my old Daisy air rifle with rock salt for the next time Short Matt starts complaining about Steve Cohen (below in Mets/Santa hat). Chronic dissatisfaction is my milieu, and even I can’t abide trashing the new Mets owner before he’s barely had a chance to make a move. Shaddup already, McCarthy!

Snow Day. I know all of 2020 has seemed like some kind of dystopian Snow Day, but I think we all really need an honest-to-goodness day when it seems like everything SHOULD be shut down, due to weather. Get outside and sled with your kids, throw snowballs at your many enemies, your friends, and de Blasio (of course), and then go back home and eat a whole mess of food. We all need this!

Slush. The exhaust-choked, cold brown stew aftermath of what was once something fairly glorious. In short, the James Dolan of any snow event.

Flakes. Anyone who writes for or visits this site. But, especially those who write.

Whiteout. A blinding condition that occurs when you go to work for Barstool Sports or any other entity populated entirely by annoyingly-entitled white frat bruhs.

Bomb Cyclone. Any New York Mets bust draft pick. Not as rare or cool as the term might imply.

Drift. I’m running out of material here, if you catch my drift.

This MTM “snow event” dissipated to flurries in a hurry. I’m getting out while I still have my boots and before this post melts off and runs into the sewer.

Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, who will shovel your driveway for 20 bucks or “interesting trades.”

Steve Cohen, Giannis Antetokounmpo, Milwaukee Bucks, Adam Gase, Bill de Blasio, , Meet_The_Matts Angry Ward Calhoun, MLB, Mets

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Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.