Angry Ward Wednesday: The Mets, Zach Wilson, and Other Garbage

BRONX, NY – Look, let’s get some housekeeping right out of the f**king way, so you know where I’m coming from. Everyone is on friggin’ vacation, the weather this summer would make Mr. Rogers punch Betty White, and Short Matt has recently taken to writing nice things about the Yankees. All bets are off! No themes today. No tying everything up in a nice bow at the end. Plain and simple, today’s post is a garbage dump. Ding-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling!!! Eat up!

Insert blind Governor as Mets batting coach here.

The Mets. Sweet Jesus, with this team. The old complaint was that the Mets needed a competent medical staff, but what they really need is an optometrist. This club can’t hit to save their lives. Javy Baez strikes out more than High School ME in a convent. Pete Alonso looks about as comfortable at the plate as Cuomo did at his farewell presser. And Conforto doesn’t need a new contract, he needs a Seeing Eye dog. Fire Rojas. Hey, I remembered his name!

Zach Wilson. For those of you who don’t already know, I should tell you that I really dislike the New York Jets. That’s it. That’s the whole disclaimer. I just want to go on the record that I am all-in on their new man-child quarterback, Zach Wilson, absolutely sucking. I base this on nothing other than him looking like an extra from an Olivia Newton-John video and the fact that he plays for the Jets. That’s fairly simple math, the only kind at which I excel.

Dallas Cowboys. There aren’t a whole lot of team that I still feel hatred towards like I did in my youth. So, congratulations Dallas Cowboys! As much as I try to avoid the Cowboys, they’re in the news like every single day. Bad enough I had to see Drew Pearson get into the Hall of Fame this past weekend, but daily there are Cowboys stories: “Their Defense is gonna be great this year!,” Dak Prescott’s shoulder is a concern,” Ezekiel Elliott to star in new Hobbit origins movie.” Enough with the Cowboys. How ’bout them Cowboys? I’ll tell ya ’bout them. They play in the most craptastic division in football and they’re mediocre at best. Jerry Jones should be asking for a new stadium any day now.

Lionel Messi. I had you there for a second, didn’t I?

The End. I watched the Burt Reynolds movie, The End on HBO Max the other night. I remember loving it as a kid when it was on the ABC Friday Night Movie. It’s fairly terrible but, let me tell you, only in the ’70s could you make a comedy about a terminally ill guy trying to commit suicide. That’s it. That’s the movie. Peppered in, there are some fairly off-color ethnic jokes, particularly Polish, and Dom DeLuise pretty much carrying the thing as Burt’s best friend at the Nervous Hospital.

Speaking of the end, this is it. Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, who sees no end in sight to his tenure here.

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About Angry Ward 649 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.