Angry Ward Wednesday: MLB Trade Deadline Spectacular

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NEW YORK, NY – I’m writing this Tuesday afternoon as MLB’s Trading Deadline ticks down to its merciful conclusion at 6 pm Eastern. To paraphrase Bill Murray’s Phil Connors in Groundhog Day: What a Hype! Sure the Mets “traded” Max Scherzer to the Rangers and the Angels all of a sudden seem to think they’re World Series contenders (pffft!), but most of the other moves have pretty much been a snoozefest. Maybe Verlander gets shipped somewhere before I put this to bed (*Update: He got dealt back to Houston), but these are the trades I really wanted to see happen.

Jeff McNeil to the Mariners. My Mariners have actually been deadline sellers, but I still think they can make a run at their division or a Wild Card. McNeil, even though he’s having something of a down year in Queens, would be a huge upgrade at second in Seattle. The combination of stopgaps that have been filling the right side of the infield gap this season have been sub-mediocre, especially at the plate. The Squirrel’s .252 average would be around 50 points higher than what the Mariners have been getting out of that position. Hey, he even looks a little grungy, so he’d fit right in!

Mets Trade GM Billy Eppler for a Six Pack of Mr. Pibb. It’s not to late to get this one done, Uncle Steve! Eppler has been a disaster. Two words: Darin Ruf. As Short Matt also pointed out, he traded Robertson for two prospects in positions (Catcher and Shortstop) the Mets should have filled for the foreseeable future. And he traded Mark Canha for what our former colleague Grote2DMax called: “Some rag arm AA prospect.”

Yankees Become Buyers. So far, the Yankees have stood pat, but I would love it if they would start wheeling and dealing to make one last playoff push. It’s almost definitely not happening, but I’d like to see them surround Aaron Judge with yet more guys who can’t make contact worth a damn. Cashman firing the hitting coach hasn’t exactly solved the problem of opponents employing a strategy any kindergartner could figure out: Don’t pitch to Judge. C’mon Cash, live up to your name and give up the house for Manny Machado or someone. Whatever happened to that unquenchable Yankee thirst for back page headlines?

Jets Deal Aaron Rodgers to Area 51 for a Space Alien to be Named Later. This seems like a fair swap: An MVP for an ET. Rodgers clearly considers himself a citizen of the Universe and the ceiling on some being from beyond the stars playing in the NFL is bounded only by one’s own imagination. A play action pass by something with ten arms? Jets receivers flying airborne down the field on bicycles? Exploding Bill Belichick’s head using interstellar ESP? After a half century of New York Jets malaise, who doesn’t want to see this sh!t? And since this would not fall completely under the umbrella of NFL jurisdiction, there should be no deadline on getting this deal done.

OK, I’m dealing myself out. Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, who will be eulogizing the 2023 Yankees.

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About Angry Ward 736 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.