NEW YORK, NY – Christmas is less than 2 weeks out, Hanukkah is already underway, it’s not too late to catch up on all of your required holiday TV special and movie viewing. This year they’re offering a whole host of sports-slanted takes on some time-tested classics. Here’s your one-stop programming guide to all the feel-good fun.
Nick Foles is Comin’ to Town. Just when it looks like the Philadelphia Eagles’ dream season is lost, jolly old St. Nick Foles steps in to save the day… and fails miserably. But it’s OK, because Eagles fans are so forgiving.
Crap Actually. In a series of amusing intertwined vignettes, Russell Westbrook, Paul George, and Carmelo Anthony come to realize that the true meaning of basketball is selfishness and that trying to play together produces absolute garbage.
The Little Blogger Boy. A flat-broke, bald street urchin starts his own sports blog and spawns a volunteer movement.
How the Yanks Stole Stanton. Grinchy GM Brian Cashman hatches the perfect plan to fleece his dimwitted friend out of his best player and eventually turn Marlins Park into the world’s largest gay disco.
It’s a Wonderful Leaf? Former can’t-miss NFL QB Ryan Leaf finds out that pretty much everyone’s life would have ended up better had he never been born.
Try Hard. As Christmas approaches, New York Mets players cover themselves in bubble wrap and try not to get injured until spring.
The Year Without an NFL Network. When all of its on-air personalities get suspended for sexual harassment, the NFL Network ceases to exist… and no one misses it.
Ulf. Suffering from severe brain trauma, oversized former hockey player Ulf Samuelsson wanders around New York swearing he’s one of Santa’s elves, and punching out anyone who doesn’t believe him.
The Schlock Around the Corner. Holiday hilarity abounds, as Tampa Bay Buccaneers cornerbacks can’t cover anyone and make every one of their opponents look like an offensive juggernaut.
Miracle on 33rd Street. James Dolan gets drunk and loses the New York Knicks in a poker game.
Look, who are we kidding? I could go on with these all day. I mean, there’s definitely an 80s baseball cocaine title in “Frosty the Snowman” and something about a Red-nosed Jets fan, but I’ve got other things to get to. But, please, feel free to come up with some of your own. It’s better to give than receive, and all that jazz.
Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, who is currently watching 24 straight hours of Nick Foles is Comin’ to Town.
