WEST BROOKLYN, NJ – Happy Holidays and all that to you my friends. Welcome to the most stressful time of the year. Scramble to get your work done, scramble to get your cards out, scramble to write your column. It is clearly the way of the future. Take heed you sinners.
Recently the New York Mets managed to have former outfielder Yoenis “La Potencia” Cespedes gargantuan $29.5 million dollars due this season reduced to $10 million. Cespy settled after the potential of voiding the entire deal for a violation of terms while breaking his ankle while not [ahem] riding a horse or anything on his ranch during his rehab, was floated under his nose. The once mighty Yoenis, who propelled the team to the 2015 2016 postseasons with his mercurial Roberto Clemente impersonation, was left to pick between taking some cash or nothing – in exchange for his permanent and self-inflicted status on the M.A.S.H. unit. Should opponents fear a motivated Cespedes, perhaps gasping for his baseball life, once again carrying the Mets, instead of supporting the fine medical staff of the state of Florida? We can only hope.
And what of other onerous contracts that should have incurred the same fate?
Jacoby Ellsbury: Can you imagine if the Mets had signed this deal? It would be Bobby Bonilla-level disdain if he was signed in Queens. Has he even played one week of games for the Bronx Bombers? Just give the money back Jacoby. I mean, let’s be real. Your time with Yankees was more of a rip-off than one of those claw-never-grab-a-toy things at the arcade; eventually you don’t even bother.
Jason Bay: This guy who came in as the latest Wilpon “name” signing and could barely get out of bed before the ink was dry. 4 years and 66 million dollars for a bag of chips and some lack of hustle. It should all be regifted to the fans with free seats and beer for anyone who had to watch the team from 2009-2012.
Phil Jackson. Finally, we have the Zen master himself. Didn’t he basically sign a huge contract and then move to Montana and pay no attention to his duties at all? Yeah, here… sign four veterans and go stare at my toes for 3 years. On the flip side, I can’t really say anything bad about someone who fleeces the most fleeceable man in sport, Jim “My Band Sucks Even Worse Than My Team” Dolan.
Anyway, feel free to add your additions to the list below and have a wonderful weekend and a Very Merry Something. Come back tomorrow for Short Matt’s “when I was your age” diatribe about a pack of Lucky Strikes being 43 cents.