NEW YORK, NY – Will this Saturday be as sensationally sun-splashed as yesterday? One can only hope. Speaking of hope, here’s hoping that today’s topics – Bucs Bank Brady Bucks, Warriors Not-So-Wiseman, Dr Frankenstein’s MLB – get you in fine fettle.
Bucs Bank Brady Bucks
Tam Brady and Tompa Bay (see what I did there?) agreed to a 4-year extension, which will make him 51 at the deal’s end. I know, right? But hold on, it’s not as shocking as the post-Brady Patriots bringing back Cam Newton at $14,000,000.00. No, this one is a fiscally sound, mutually beneficial move that frees up $19,000,000.00 in cap space, as Brady is once again giving an organisation (Canadian spelling to cover the day’s hockey quota) a discount to help keep the core in tact. Yet another reason why T.B. (the QB, not the team) is the Greatest of All Time. It’s also another reason I want to hit him in the face with a bag of nickels, out of sheer petty jealousy. Ben Whitney and Cam James can break down the SABRmetric domino cap ramifications on a NFL-wide scale for you bel0w. I’m just the storefront guy.
Angry Ward’s Golden State Warriors are worriers today, as their 19-yearold center, James Wiseman, missed the first two #COVID-19 tests he was scheduled for during the All-Star break. That caused the rookie to miss Wednesday’s practice in LA. Whoopsie… On the surface, this is inexcusable for a highly-paid NBA player. But that’s only if we’re in hypocrite mode, and expect mature decisions by kid making a king’s ransom before his 20th birthday. Heck, at 19 yours truly was trying to fire up his flatulence, literally. At 19, my biggest accomplishment was calling girls in the dorms as Public Safety and telling them to put any perishables out in the snow, as there was a power outage expected during the night. We’d watch them scurry out behind our University At Buffalo dormitory, bury their food and then run down and get it… Then we’d light our farts. Sure, James Wiseman is no John Houseman in terms of wisdom, but Jesus H. Alou, asking a kid to be perfect as a wealthy pro athlete is like bringing home a puppy and expecting it to be house-broken.
Dr Frankenstein’s MLB
The tinkering, meddling, arguably evil doctor has been seen in Major League Baseball’s
Lavatory Laboratory, making a monster of our beloved game. Things like banning infield shifts, making the bases bigger and a pitch clock are being forced up Double A experimental victims. Oh, and robot umpires. And you thought adding the DH to the NL was sacrilege! This is just baseball blasphemy – other than the pitch-clock. After watching the likes of Steve “Rain Delay” Trachsel (Tall Matt’s doppelganger) take an hour to get the courage to serve up his awful stuff toward the plate, you wouldn’t argue this change. Further, as someone still pitching in hardball games, I know that working quickly keeps your teammates engaged and on their toes, which is important when the other team is lining your junk around the yard. But bigger bases? If we allow that, your balls will be bigger in two years.
Speaking of junk and balls, come back tomorrow for Cheesy Bruin… but leave your two cents below first.