Under Fire: What Sports Celebs Would Grab If Flames Approached Their Home

DENVER, CO – There are days in our lives that each of us won’t forget. Weddings and funerals and major life events come to mind.  In sports, my unforgettable moments are varied. The greatest show on turf was something to see. The 2006 and 2011 Cardinals World Series championships were amazing. Perhaps my favorite sports moment and the only professional sports moment that caused me to cry was when the St. Louis Blues won the Stanley Cup. Past sports, more esoteric and personal memories come to mind like the time my dad walked in on me getting head in high school.

Last week on Thursday I could not write Friday’s column because I had a day I will never forget. My home was on the southern end of the evacuation zone of the fires in Colorado. I had breakfast right near the fire that hadn’t yet started. By the time my wife and I got to the grocery store from breakfast, the air was filled with smoke coming from the north. When we got home we realized the suburbs were on fire. Sometime late afternoon our home was put into the pre-evacuation zone, wherein the government was basically saying pack your car and be ready to leave when we tell you to. Thankfully the winds died down and our neighborhood was spared. This got me thinking, though.  If this situation happened to various sports professionals what would they pack in their car?

Floyd Maywether: Considering the man walks around with a backpack full of cash 24/7/365 I think if his house was burning and he had to evacuate he would likely need a semi truck to get all the cash out of his home.

John Gruden: I can certainly say he is leaving all his computers and servers in the fire.  In his car would likely be the original spider 2 Y banana playbook, Tony Dungy’s jock strap, and the draft of his autobiography that no one will ever want to read.

Short Matt: Wig collection. Flask full of Jameson. Framed picture of Bea Arthur.

John Elway: Carton of Pall Malls, all of the work product from the private investigator he has paid to spy on the Bowlen family, and Payton Manning’s jock strap.

Joe Judge: Joe won’t have time to pack his car on account he is sleeping at the office while trying to figure out how not to go down with the Gettleman Titanic.

Angry Ward: All four Kirk Cousins jerseys he owns, a copy of Catcher in the Rye, and a black and white TV.

Antonio Brown: Nothing. The dude is so nuts he probably thinks he could stop the fire with his mind.

Cam James

Me: Actual car load: five days of winter clothes, five gallons of water, important documents, all things dog, pistol, shotgun, camping gear, and a forever excuse to get out of writing on future fridays. Sorry my house might catch fire.

Speaking of going up in flames, come back tomorrow for Short Matt – but feel free to comment below first.

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About Cam James 124 Articles
Cam James hails from Missouri and is a down-the-line St. Louis fan: Rams, Cards, Blues... Thus his occasional "Ram Rules" column. He hates Kansas basketball, lives in Denver, been a wrestler, dabbled in Ultimate Fighting and plays hardball. Oh, and he's Opie Taylor white.