FLUSHING, NY – The MLB’s Oldest Man doubles (pun intended) also as its Fattest Man. Without question, though, Bartolo Colon is also The Most Entertaining Man in Sports.
There isn’t a Kevin James or Cedric The Entertainer lookalike out there that doesn’t at least consider that they could be successful in professional sports… because of Bartolo Colon. Aging and gaining 40-yearolds everywhere are thinking, “Hey, I could do what that guy’s is doing,” between slurps of a tall boy can of Bud. Hell, Big Barto is 43. That’s forty-three. He also admits to 5’11” and 285 lbs. That’s refreshingly honesty for a team that lists their blue-chip, can’t-miss, cornerstone of the R.A. Dickey trade, Travis d’Arnaud, as 6’2″… which has Big Al Sternberg/Fake Sandy Alderson giggling with Bob Murphy and Ralph Kiner in the Diamond Club in The Sky right now. After all, he giddily referred to him as “the diminutive difference-maker.”
Lord, I miss that guy.
But back to Bart…
Colon’s not a field goal kicker in the NFL (we’re looking at you, Tom Dempsey). Far from it. In fact, one can argue that he is the MVP of the Mets… the glue that has kept this team afloat, despite leaks springing at a comically rapid pace, faster than Lucille Ball working the candy assembly line.
Actually, Big Bart would excel in a chocolate factory, so this might be his dream job post-beisbol.
But you know what the best part of the Bartolo Colon phenomenon is – aside from his tummy? It’s the simple fact that the Yanks let him go. Imagine what the conversation would be like in New York Yankees executive offices if George Steinbrenner was witnessing this marketing coup by their crosstown rivals.
And now the Mets “swingman” signee Colon – the guy that would “spell” the young guns – is now chasing Latino MLB history, as he has Juan Marichal and Dennis Martinez in his sights for most wins as a Latin-born pitcher. Here’s hoping The Most Entertaining Man in Sports does it here in NYC, wearing orange and blue next year.
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