Dumb Stuff John Elway Would Say, Cards, Cubs, Brewers in Slapfight, Upton, Verlander, Nature Walks

“When a man moves away from nature his heart becomes hard.”Lakota proverb.

John_Elway, Cam_James, Meet_The_Matts
#Cubs as lost as John Elway & MTM Staff?

DENVER, CO – It is within the Cubs nature to lose.  It is within the Cardinals nature to win.  It is within the Brewers nature to be irrelevant by the All-Star break unless the Bear Jew (Ryan Braun) takes enough steroids.

The reality that the Cubs are reigning World Series champions and the Brewers are leading the division while the Redbirds toil has my heart solid as a rock.  Based on the tone of all the recent contributions I have seen on this forum, all your hearts are hard as well.  I am proposing that maybe for today only we don’t talk sports and try to return to nature in the spirit of the Lakota proverb. Call it MTM Arbor DayKate Upton, Justin Verlander, Angry Ward, Meet_The_Matts, John ElwayThis is your call to action to go contribute to your natural state.
Angry Ward, go take a week off, take all the Kate Upton collateral you can find and disappear to a no-name motel that costs no more than 30 dollars/night.  Anything more wouldn’t be fitting.
Buddy Diaz…. Get on a plane and get out here to CO.  Just don’t board with anything you can find here!
Cheesy Bruin, you are the most concerning of the bunch, as your natural state makes no damn sense.  Bruins, Cowboys, etc…  Given that your state is perpetually unnatural you need to put a second mortgage on the house and go buy a truck that is large enough and expensive enough so that you look as ridiculous driving it as your debt to income ratio does after you buy it.  Then and only then will you be a natural Dallas Cowboys fan.

Ben Whitney, you keep working. You need the practice.
Short Matt, go out to Jersey and watch a soccer game.  You don’t believe it’s a sport, so this is okay. Consider it worldly education.

Cam_James, Don_Cherry, Colorado_Rockies, Meet_The_Matts
Did someone say Rockies?

As for me,  I am truly escaping the tentacles of reality.  Starting Sunday, my faithful cohort Curt and I will embark on my yearly walkabout through the woods for six days and five nights of nature walks.

Cam_James Meet_The_Matts fish
Stoned Photographer Framing

Somewhere beyond the fringe of society lies a truth that I so longingly seek.  A truth rooted in existentialism and personal introspection.  A truth to answer the question, How the hell did I end up writing for MTM…Is Matt an alien?  Not in the outer space sense but like he snuck into the country.  I mean, no one would willingly let him happen to their country.  Wait… [puff, puff] What if… he was an outer space alien and he snuck into the country?  Does that make him double alien?  Alien squared like if you have the same first name as your last name.  It’s not two its exponentially terrible.  Can he hear my thoughts?  That fish looks like a cheeseburger.  I bet I can catch it with some ketchup.  All fish burgers like ketchup.”

I would encourage you all to find the answers to your own questions of such variety.  Confront your demons through self-exploration right now while the sports world is less exciting than Wilford Brimley’s libido.  Bruce Jenner looked inside and saw a woman.  Meghan Trainor looked inside and saw a skinnier person who didn’t think it was all about that bass.  Helen Keller looked inside and didn’t see much.  During your time of self-exploration what will you see?

Boring after 36 hours?

But enough of that. That’s get back to sports and…

Dumb stuff John Elway would say in 2012:

ReporterTell me about “The Truth.”
John Elway: Wow.  That’s personal… But anyhow I got this tattoo in a spot you know.  The ladies love it and one of them called this move I learned from Shannon Sharpe “The Truth.”  Now it’s a staple in my playbook, if you know what I mean.
Reporter:  I was referring to Tim Tebow

That’s all for now, Curt is humping my external drive.

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About Cam James 128 Articles
Cam James hails from Missouri and is a down-the-line St. Louis fan: Rams, Cards, Blues... Thus his occasional "Ram Rules" column. He hates Kansas basketball, lives in Denver, been a wrestler, dabbled in Ultimate Fighting and plays hardball. Oh, and he's Opie Taylor white.