BRONX, NY – Another football season in the books. This one ended almost perfectly for these f**ked times in which we live: a relentless offensive assault waged between opponents nobody wanted to see, culminating in the city of Philadelphia being trashed by hordes of green-clad baboons, while one grateful celebrant dropped to his knees and gave thanks for his team’s glorious victory by eating from a pile of horsesh!t. It felt right. Tomorrow they throw a parade that will be deemed a rousing success if only a handful of people die, and all the p*ssies who didn’t party hard enough to get arrested will most likely gather for a pagan c!rcle jerk around the statue of their city’s beloved fictional white boxing hero. I used to dread February. This year? Bring it the f**k on. Only by embracing the impossibly cold dark days ahead can we hope to find those soft spots where we can ride out our crippling depression.
My Capsule Review of Super Bowl LII. It’s a shame someone had to win.
Pitchers and Catchers. Check your calendars, it’s almost time for New York Mets pitchers to report and start working in earnest towards their season-ending arm and shoulder surgeries.
Academy Awards. The 90th Academy Awards will take place on March 4th and celebrate Hollywood’s least-rapiest stars, as far as we know. Should be quite a night.
The Winter Olympics. Won’t be the same without Donald Trump’s favorite team, Russia, competing. Blame Obama and Hillary and #FailingNBC.
NBA and NHL. Why should we care? No, seriously, I’m anxious to hear your arguments.
Mets Sign Todd Frazier. Of course they did. Because $17 million over 2 years is a BARGAIN for a guy who struggles to hit .220. This really is a win-win. Todd Frazier gets paid millions for no reason and David Wright gets to feel like, even with stenosis and not having played baseball in 2 years, he can still somehow come back and claim his job from THIS guy.
That’s it for me today. I’ve got a glass of bourbon somewhere with my name on it. Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, who will pen a thank you note to Jesus for granting Nick Foles the power to vanquish Captain Kale and the Patriots. And you can find us on Twitter at @Angry_Ward, @MeetTheMatts & @Matt_McCarthy00, Instagram @MeetTheMatts and like our Facebook page, Meet The Matts.