SUBURBIA, NJ – Once again I’ve been asked to step in and cover for the one alleged “sports-writing professional” on this site… who is absent again. I wonder if his editors at the Sports Desk put up with this sort of thing? If so, we all need to apply there. Anyway, we”ll get to the Mets, Knicks, Giants & Rangers in a minute. But first, let me show you how you can fill in for M.I.A. MTM pundits and contribute your own column here. Its easy kids, just follow one of the three sure fire templates the other writers have laid out: (my apologies in advance to the other writers)
Method One: Reach for the stars and channel Angry Ward:
First-off, make as many ’80’s film references and be sure to include William Zabka as one of them. AW can’t resist a Zabka reference! Then dig deep and find your inner curmudgeon and let loose! Good luck clearing this high bar.
Method Two: Emulate DJ Eberle and make pie-in-the sky predictions about your hometown team that are in no way based anywhere in reality; e.g., the Sabres are sure to win the Cup this year and the Bills will definitely win the Super Bowl this time… Be sure to show no shame or remorse when your predictions don’t come true.
Method Three: Copy the esteemed Ben Whitney and lean on a bunch of analytic statistics to advance whatever your advocating. No one will understand what they mean, so you don’t even have to be accurate. In fact, just make something up and give in a silly acronym. Someone will probably invent that stat the next day.
Now for some Sports Talk:
My teams are all continuing in the “all suck status” until further notice, but they all seem to think otherwise.
The Mets claim they are the team to beat in a stacked NL East, once again hoping upon hope that everything will go right for them. It won’t. My prediction: fourth place
The Giants have traded OBJ and added an additional first round pick as well as a third and a safety. If handled right this could help right the ship in the very near future. Of course it will not. They will mess up the picks or bundle them to move up and be stuck in mediocrity for the next five years.
The Rangers failed to take my advice and truly tank the season to score generational talent Phil Hughes in the draft. Instead they’ll finish middle of the pack and get someone who won’t develop and be lapped once again by the true stalwarts of the NHL. Best hope is for the Lightning Bolts to win the cup and improve the draft pick they still owe for the McDonagh/ Miller trade. being that they are presidents trophy winners, they are sure to miss out on hoisting Lord Stanley’s chalice
The Knicks, who somehow have the most promise to turn it around quickly. Being in the NBA and having a potential #1 pick who is a generational talent coming their way helps. So does having two max slots to sign the elite of league – Irving and Durant – who somehow actually want to pay here… This is the team that has been completely and utterly futile for nearly two decades under the stewardship on Generalissimo Dolan. His association alone will torpedo this potentially phoenix-like revival from the ashes. Here’s my prediction: they do land Zion in the draft but his knee problem is worse than advertised and he joins his idol Bernard King on the ACL scrap heap. Then he gets cut while recovering and goes on to win five titles with the Lakers… Or: Irving and KD come and both blow out their knees and ankles in training camp forcing us to watch Kevin Knox and Dennis Smith Jr battle once again for ping pong balls…
Tune in again for tomorrow for more MTM fun and adventure with the Different Matt, whose knees are fine.