Angry Ward Wednesday: The NHL, Yankees in Hell, and Here Comes the NFL!

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BRONX, NY – On Labor Day my friends and I had our 2020 Fantasy Football Draft. It was chock full of surprises, super sleepers, and the kind of insightful football info you can only get from a bunch of rapidly-aging white guy losers. I can’t wait to tell you all about it! Just kidding. You’ve suffered enough this year, and there are some things that I participate in that I am just too embarrassed to discuss—like this site, for instance. But, hey, NFL football is starting Thursday and there’s plenty going on in other sports too, so let’s spill a few topics out on the floor and see if the cat licks them up.

George_Steinbrenner, Aaron_Boone, Meet_The_Matts, Angry_Ward, Ward Calhoun, NHL_Playoffs, Mets, Donald_Trump, Las Vegas Golden Knights, Islanders, Yankees

NHL Conference Finals. I’ve been watching the NHL playoffs sporadically, and the four teams left don’t do much for me. But that’s no reason not to take sides.

Angry Ward & brother cnc63

I’m pulling for Vegas out West, because f**k Dallas and everything about it. I know Vegas is no picnic, but Dallas stole my beloved North Stars from Minnesota, and that’s the least of that city’s transgressions. Jerry Jones, the Cowboys, the JFK assassination did I mention Jerry Jones? Screw Dallas. In the Eastern Finals I’m pulling for the Islanders but only with the caveat that they need to really start cultivating a roster of only the douchebaggiest of players, like they had during their late-’70s/early-’80s scumbaggapalooza heyday. The Isles are only good to me if I can start hating them again with reckless abandon. They may need to start cloning Tonellis, Nystroms, and Duane Sutters to speed up the process.

Yanks Sh!tting the Bed? Same as with hockey, I’ve kinda been watching baseball with one eye open. Admittedly, it’s been a couple of weeks since I sat through an entire game. The Mets will do that to you. But I’ve been paying enough attention to know that the Yankees are in absolute free fall. At the time of this writing, they are 3-7 in their last 10 and, if the Mets hadn’t come along and absolutely gifted them a couple of wins, they’d be in even worse shape. George Steinbrenner would have sh!tcanned Smirky Boone a half dozen times by now. Anyway, I’m not gonna lie, it’s been fun checking the scores lately. I know there are lots of injuries, as there were last year with the scrubs filling in admirably, but they still have enough not to be getting walloped by the Blue Jays. One other thing, Gerrit Cole hasn’t exactly been shining in his new ace/stopper role so far. He’s been fine, but they ain’t paying him all that money to be fine. He’s also given up a league-high 13 dingers. How ya like pitching in the Bronx Pee Wee park, Gerrit?

Football!!! Though I remain skeptical that the NFL is gonna pull this thing off, I am definitely going to watch tons of football for as long as it lasts. Tomorrow night we open things up with the Chiefs and Texans, which should be entertaining, to say the least. Wondering just how rusty teams are going to look. I’m talking Jets-in-December rusty. Very much looking forward to the additional banter around here as well. Venting about Danny Dimes (lose that nickname now!) and Google-Eyes Gase are what make MTM life almost worth living. I’m not making any predictions, but please feel free to dump all of your upcoming Giants, J-E-T-S, Cowboys, Eagles, Vikings, etc. season anxieties in the comments.

Come back tomorrow for Mr. Buddy Diaz. He’s got a wide open shot at writing about hoops, if he wants to take it.

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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