NEW YORK, NY – Finally, a real December day in New York City. As you can see in the shot from inside MTM HQ, the Big Apple got about a foot of snow and it was great to in it… for about 30 minutes. After that, it becomes a dirty, ugly mess and for us urban dog owners, a pain in the baseballs. The blue salt burns the bejesus out of the paw pads and is a chemical you don’t want Fido licking. Sure, we try the booties but they fall off every two seconds and/or rip open after three uses and – if you’re like me – you end up carrying your canine for most of his/her “walk.” Not exactly a fun stroll with the pup in a winter wonderland. But enough of the “Bah, Humbug!” stuff. Let’s smoothly transition to today’s headliners: “Round Mound of Profound” Charles Barkley. Naked Rollerblading Panda? Mets Not Walking Walk?
“Round Mound of Profound” Charles Barkley.
Unlike nicer people, I enjoy telling you, “I told you so.” And Kyrie Andrew Irving is making me look smart again. If you search Kyrie on this site, you’ll find yours truly predicting that he will not work out in Brooklyn. What was my reasoning, you ask? Why it’s elementary, my dear Whitney. It’s elementary! See, Irving couldn’t mesh with with LeBron in Cleveland and then couldn’t make it work in Boston. He’s either wacky, clueless or a diva. Take your pick. The bet here is that he’s at least two of those. More significantly, the guy misses bushels of games, so he’s like Yoenis Cespedes, if Cespy was an outspoken malcontent everywhere he went. Anyway, here’s Iriving’s latest, as per the NY Post:
Irving seemingly called the media “pawns” in an Instagram post and said when speaking to the media that it was about “the mistreatment of certain artists when we get to a platform of when we make decisions within our lives to have full control and ownership.”
Enter the Round Mound of Rebound… and Profound, Charles Wade Barkley. As if you needed another reason to like Barkley, check out what he had to say re Irving:
“He starts talking about what an artist is. He’s a basketball player. That’s what he is. Listen, we’re not front-line responders. We’re not teachers. Yo man, you dribble a basketball, stop acting like you’re the smartest person in the world. Now can you talk about social issues and things like that? Of course. But some of this other stuff, I’m like ‘Yo, man, you do realize you’re just a basketball player, right?’ And it seems like he’s like, ‘No, I want you guys to know I’m the smartest guy in the room.’ Well, first of all, you’re not. You only went to college for six months. A lot of guys are smarter than you are. Just answer stupid basketball questions. And if you want to say something about social justice, say it and mean it, because it’s important and significant. But all that other stuff? Like, yo, man, shut the hell up and talk basketball.”
Thank you, Mister Barkley.
Naked Rollerblading Panda
As authorities scour Ohio and the neighboring states, searching for this mad genius, two potential candidates popped into my head: Angry Ward and Cam James. Both have panda masks but I don’t know which of the two can afford to trash a good golf club. If you have any information or tips on the matter, please contact us immediately at firstname.lastname@example.org. This individual was made for Meet The Matts.
Mets Not Walking Walk?
Beating a dead horse is one of my specialties. Sometimes, however, it actually serves a purpose other than to click-bait or bait in any way. It worked, for example, when we campaigned mightily to get the Mets to change Citi Field’s black fences (in homage to the f@cking SF Giants) to blue. It took us a year of hammering but Season II saw that color swap. And yes, we were the ones to exact that change. Now that annoying but persistent whining is aimed at the new administration. George Springer and James McCann are not going to cut it after all the Steve Cohen hype. There needs to be a bigger name. Out of Trevor Bauer, Nolan Arenado and Francisco Lindor – or somebody of that stature MUST be part of this off-seaon’s overhaul. Alderson, Porter and Cohen have been talking the talk, now they must walk the walk.
Speaking of walking the walk, hopefully we’ll all see Cheesy Bruin walking us through his Free NFL Picks tomorrow. In the meantime, please feel free to opine below and hit a few buses with snowballs. The packing is good today.